Fatty McBlog

Um...

2011-01-12T16:24:00.000-08:00

My boss gave me a book today about eating better. What's that about?

Fat Talk

2011-01-06T12:25:00.001-08:00

Part of my job is to find speakers to come to various events and give engaging speeches on interesting topics and in turn, the audience will be so impressed and pleased they will donate money to my employer. My only problem with this is this is that the topics have to be appealing to a broad range of different people, old and young, rich and well, richer, etc.

I can't stop proposing food related topics to my tiny little boss. I can't stop. It's like it's the only thing that I find interesting. Today marks the second time in a row I have brought up food as topic to my boss. And she's so little. I'd break her if I sat on her.

She suggested we do something about the medical field. And of course all I can bring myself to find is things related to food and the medical field. I need to stop.

This is getting embarrassing.

Whoa There!

2010-12-10T16:19:00.001-08:00

I have two bosses. They are both about 5'2. One must weigh 105 and the other must weigh, at most, 125. Both, obviously, are not fat. The "bigger" boss, we'll call her Stacy. Stacy's only flaw is having a meaty bottom half. It's nothing really noticeable and she can cover it up pretty easily with the right clothing, but she insists on talking about her weight with me at all times. As if, per say, we're even close to the same weight. Like we're in the same club or something. We're not.

The other day Stacy came to my office, sat down and went on and on about how her friend came over, forced her to order dinner and watch the Biggest Loser. She hated her evening and then went into a 20 minute tailspin about how her friend said she couldn't be her bridesmaid (the girl isn't even engaged) because she, Stacy, is too fat. And supposedly this girl is fat as well.

And Stacy told me all of this...because I'm fat?

I know, It's Been a While...

2010-12-08T13:35:00.000-08:00

...but rather than go into it I'm just going to ignore the fact and start off as if we've never had time apart.
I started a new job about 2 months ago. It's very business-y and therefore, I can't wear any sort of thing I wore to my previous job like jeans or t-shirts. Because of this, I'm pretty regulated to black pants and dresses.

Side note, dresses are amazing and I encourage you all to go online to Target plus size and buy some. And yes, I'm wearing one right now. And double yes, I have bike shorts under so I don't cause my thighs to rub together and start a forest fire.

I've been wearing dresses pretty much all the time. They're easier than pants in the morning because I don't have to find a top and they're more comfortable. I learned this lesson the hard way.

Yesterday I put on my only black pair of pants and one of the only tops I have and went to work. The pants were a little snug, but they're my normal size 24 Old Navy pants and I didn't think much of it. That was, until I got to work. OMG you guys, pain ensued. What was my first hour of work felt like 5. These pants were going to be the death of me. They felt as if a python had attached itself to my waist and was showing me no mercy. There was nothing I could do. I tried going to the bathroom several times to relieve the pain but that didn't do much. At one point the inside button (and I seriously want to know who fastens the inside button!?) dug itself so far into my skin that I started to bleed. I was starting to look tie died and wondered how any blood flow was getting to the lower half of my body.

I'm proud to say I made it through the day, blood and all.

What had happened to my size 24 pants? Could I have gained that much weight in such a short period of time? It hadn't been that long since I wore them? Anyway, my conclusion is this: I want a pair of pants with an elastic band.

Is this giving up? Is there a separation between fat girls who wear zippers and buttons and those who wear elastic bands? I don't know, but I need your opinion.

Night Crazy

2010-02-15T04:51:00.001-08:00

It's 4:51 in the morning. I've been awake since 4. I can't sleep. Sometimes I come up with brilliant ideas at this time and then I fall back asleep and forget things, so I'm writing this one down: I'm going to Over eaters Anonymous.

I might happen to be watching Ruby while I writing this, but this is still a great idea.

I've been to OA twice before and loved it. I'm not sure if I have ever written about it, but the two times that I have been were really great. I love hearing stories and everyone there is really positive.

Has anyone else out there been to OA? What was your experience? And what can you say to a person, like myself, who wants to go back, but is scared!

Et tu, Nordstroms?

2010-02-03T22:22:00.000-08:00

Why am I showing a very digitally altered skinny girl on this blog? Because Nordstroms was trying to sell me this dress...in the plus size section. Really? That's going to make me want to buy that (ugly) dress? I think not.

Errr...

2010-01-28T16:29:00.001-08:00

First of all, sorry for the delay. I have had some computer issues and well, Lindsay, her computer is just dead.

I just wanted to let you in on two little stories that have happened to me in the past couple of days.

Story 1: I got on my scale and instead of telling me my weight, it just said Err. I know that this means error and that I needed to step on again, but seriously, Err was just perfect. It was like my scale was telling me Errr...you really want to know?

Story 2: I had to go to Saks Fifth Avenue to return a disastrous dress I bought for an upcoming wedding shower. If there is one thing I hate, it's going to high end stores in Beverly Hills. Fat and Beverly Hills just don't mix. I slipped into the shoe department because I'm a fat girl and nothing makes me feel almost normal than buying a pair of shoes that even a skinny girl could wear. There, I found an amazing pair of Tory Burch sandals for $100. I bought them. And, as I was getting my credit card back from the sales man my wallet dropped. I picked it up and was on my way. Two seconds later the sales man caught me and told me that I had dropped something. It was one of those buy 9 get the 1oth for free cards...TO SOME HORRIBLE SANDWICH PLACE! He looked at me like a fatty. Basically because maybe I was punched up to 7 sandwiches. For shame!

Best Diet Ever!?

2010-01-13T13:25:00.001-08:00

I just recently had a bout with what I could say has to be the sickest case of stomach flu that I have ever had. It came out both ends, it kept me up all night, it was sad. But, I lost 7lbs.

You heard me right, 7lbs.

Get sick, vomit, lose weight. But, when I was hovering over my toilet I came the realization that I never want to feel that way in my life again, and that the weight I was losing wasn't worth the pain and suffering.

I also became afraid of food. I am right now feeling much better but am still afraid to eat. BRAT (Bananas, Rice, Applesauce, Toast) diet or not, I'm scared.

How long will this skinniness continue?

Probably until dinner.

Wowzers

2010-01-06T16:22:00.001-08:00

I did something that we've here on Fatty Mcblog have been pondering and also making fun of for years. I bought something from the maternity department.

Is this ok? I don't know. It fits, so that's a good thing.

But seriously, I bought something from the maternity department at Target. The only thing I can really see in the difference is that it says maternity on the tag, which of course I have quickly removed. Nothing would be worse than sitting down, taking off your cardigan and having your skinny friends see that you are, in fact, wearing a sweater meant for a 9 month pregnant woman.

Has anyone else ever done this? And, is this the last of me doing this?

It makes perfect sense to do so...Maybe the teams of maternity and fat should join forces.

And as a PS. I really want the jeans with the band.

Cinderellas Come In All Sizes

2009-12-18T11:31:00.000-08:00

Just a heads up that tonights episode of Say Yes To The Dress is titled: Cinderellas Come In All Sizes. You know what that means! A fat girl wedding dress episode. I've been waiting for this!

So, 9pm TLC

Have any of you had the horror of looking for a wedding dress? Wish you could wear black?

Also, click HERE to see a great collection of videos posted by TLC honoring the issue of weight and wedding dresses.

Like Sausage When You Don't Want Sausage

2009-12-17T15:22:00.001-08:00

Since we're on a major 'fashion' kick, (see below), I'm going to continue this trend. This time though, we will be discussing Leggings. I want some. I just don't want to look like meat stuffed into it's casing.

Now, being a fat girl I cannot just go out and buy a pair of leggings, plus size or not. I mull over this fact daily. No matter how long the shirt, which by the way is not flattering, I can't get away with wearing leggings outside of the house. Oh, I wish I could.

And to embark on another tangent I must tell you that when I envision myself in these black leggings I'm averaged sized (I'm taking that phrase from Little People, Big World). Why? Who am I kidding? And, aren't I just lying to myself? Whatever.

Back to the leggings. Can I wear leggings or not. I have a nice shaped leg. Two actually and I think I might just say "what the f" and go for it.

Maybe I can wear them with my high heels.

PS. I just googled fat girl leggings and came across myriad of website yelling NO!!!!
I especially enjoyed this

Fat Girls in High Heels

2009-12-11T14:49:00.000-08:00

Here's a question: Can fat girls wear heels?

Fortunately, I do not suffer from canklitis ( I just made that term up), but still feel I can't wear heels because I'm fat. Let me tell you why. A major part of it is adding to my size. The higher I am, the bigger I feel. The bigger I feel, I swear the fatter I am or appear to be. Maybe this is why I am always feeling fat in the shower?

Anyway, I own about 3 dozen pairs of flats, but no heels. And I really want some.

Now, I know I can just say F it and who cares, but let's be serious...I care. They wouldn't look dumb because of cankles (which according to google even Barbie has), but I've seen fat girls in heels and I just don't like the look. BUT, and this is a big but, (ha!), the girls I have seen wearing heels look as if their heels don't fit properly. Regardless of their size, that shoe was not supposed to fit. I would of course get heels that fit.

BUT ALSO! I think because I am fat that wearing heels hurts 10x more 10x faster than skinnies.

Let me know what you think...I'm seriously curious about this.

Yes, You Can Sound Fat Over The Phone

2009-12-06T12:39:00.000-08:00

So, today I proved the age old question if someone can actually sound fat over the phone. Victory is mine. And, of course it had to be while I was calling....LANE BRYANT!

Yesterday I attempted to buy some bras and underwear, (TMI?) basically, because they were having an amazing sale.

SIDE NOTE: Bras. Man. Aren't they the worst?

Anyway, yesterday when I tried to purchase said bras online I kept getting this annoying error message making it impossible for me to get them. Quite annoying if you ask me. Finally, I gave up and resigned to call the next day, (today).

I guess I must have been really excited about this deal ($25 off, free underwear with bra purchase, free shipping!) because it was one of the first things I did today. While I was eating breakfast.

It was Cherrios damn it! They were from Trader Joes. It was healthy!

Regardless, my starvation interfered with my over the phone ordering and finally the woman told me she couldn't understand me.

Me. Ordering fat girl bras and panties...stuffing my face.

"Oh, I didn't know" (Say it in a creepy stereotypical asian lady voice)

2009-12-02T19:22:00.000-08:00

Should I save the whole hoopla about how we didn't write, but then we saw the error of our ways and now are going to write again...again? Yes? Good.

This is the story of Emily and Lindsay who innocently wanted to go get sushi at our favorite, favorite sushi restaurant. I wish it was as easy as it sounds.

I pulled up to Lindsey's home to find her on the phone waiting in front. Normal: she was just ordering our food. Not normal: her face. I got a big OMG!!! from outside the car. Apparently, she was on the phone with the owner.

Back story:

The owner of this sushi cafe is tiny little Japanese women who counts the soy sauce packages and has a camera hooked up so she can watch her employees when she's not there. She also runs marathons. Her restaurant also makes really good sushi. Real Crab! Spicy Mayo!

Anyway, seems as though as I was pulling up the owner was letting Lindsey know that she would, in fact, not be giving us our two orders of spicy mayo because mayo = fat. It's not as if I am discounting this fact. It is true. Mayo does make you fat. But, we're her customers. She charges like $2.50 per side order thus having an extra $5 made from just us. I don't remember what Lindsey said to her next, but it was something like, we're your customers, give me my fat mayo.

The owner had told Lindsey that she just got back from Japan and people are skinny there and she doesn't want fat customers.

Lindsey wouldn't go in to get the food. She was degradatated. Obviously I had to go in and get it. Great. I go in and try to act cool.

Back story II:

We love this place. It's our regular sushi place and eat there about once every three weeks. We know the waiters and up to this point, everyone has been normal and nice.

As I walk up to the woman to give my name her eyes widen. She knows who I am and she knows my order. (Why she didn't know this on the phone baffles me). And, you can tell, she's sort of embarrassed. And the only thing she can bring herself to say is:

"Oh, I didn't know" and then raises her hands width wise as if she's showing me what two feet look like and repeats, "I didn't know".

I didn't know you were so big on the phone! I would have kept you skinny but you're too far gone. Ok, she didn't say that but she might of well have.

Needless to say, we got the food and I put a ban on our place.

After 5 months and various attempts to find another sushi place I crumbled. I had to have it. I didn't care that I was funding her extravagant lifestyle, I needed my spicy tuna. Lindsey and I once tried to figure out how much we were actually giving this woman annually, but honestly, to tell would just way too shameful.

Sooo Interesting

2008-02-19T14:30:00.000-08:00

Lindsey told me about an article in Bitch Magazine about the Fat Acceptance Movement. I thought it was so interesting, I wanted to bring it to all of your attention.

http://bitchmagazine.org/article/big-trouble

What do you think? I think it's a great article and something that really bothers me about the Fat Acceptance Movement. It's also super taboo to bring up. I often feel like a hater against my own kind, but now I feel like there are more people out there that feel the same way as the people described in this article.

Please discuss...I'm so curious as to what other people have to say about this!

And It's Come Full Circle

2008-02-13T14:03:00.000-08:00

Last night I had a date. Yes, an Internet date...don't judge me! Anyway, it was a date with a very nice boy I supposedly went to high school with but had no recollection of. The exciting part? He was 6'6. His pictures featured a fit, tall hunk of Jewish manhood. And he liked me, a fatty.

When we talked on the phone, I didn't really feel anything to be excited about. Yes, we had things in common, but no, nothing out of the ordinary and nothing that got my heart pounding and excited.

So, we had plans to eat and see a movie. I met him outside of the restaurant. He was definitely tall and to my surprise...FAT!

Ok, he wasn't really fat, but weight on a man that is 6'6 is weight that is going to be noticed. And to top that off, he had a huge ass. I don't even know how to describe it.

Now, you all know that I prefer men to be fat, I like it. But, this was a little overkill. Being 6'1 and fat, fine with me...but add 5 inches and something happens that just doesn't do it for me.

It was a little bit of a reversal for me. I'm always worried that although I have a picture up and I state that I'm a bigger girl over and over just so I don't confuse anyone, the guy will really not understand that I am actually fat and feel really duped, which, I know if a problem with Internet dating. But, last night, I was duped. I was totally duped. Duped, duped, duped.

I don't think we'll go out on another date. I just didn't feel anything emotionally. But seriously, I might be on to something...dating a bigger man, especially one that is 6'6? I totally felt little...which was sort of awesome.

Big Girl (You Are Beautiful)

2007-12-11T13:58:00.000-08:00

We are trying to get back into writing blog posts more often...it will happen!!! But in the meantime, here is a video/song that both Emily and I have had in our heads for a few days. I love Mika in general (probably because he reminds me of Freddie Mercury), but when I heard that he had a song about fat girls I knew it was true love! Have a listen and enjoy!

Saucey

2007-11-12T16:51:00.000-08:00

Lindsey and I are huge fans of the restaurant Gyu-Kaku. If you haven't been, run to your nearest one. Gyu is a Japanese BBQ place, the kind where you have a grill at your table and cook your own food. Yummy.

Two things that Gyu has that drive both of us craving more? The salad dressing and this one dipping sauce. I'm not exactly sure what the dipping sauce is called. The website refers to it as their Sweet and Spicy sauce, but I just called it the world's best sauce...and that's saying a lot. The salad dressing is also tops, it's a miso mustard dressing. So delicious.

Lindsey and I went to Gyu on Saturday night, the problem was we didn't want to eat there. In retrospect, this was a really dumb idea, (Lindsey still defends it by the way). You have to eat there because, duh, you have to cook your food there, but we weren't really digging that. Our decision was to cook the food quickly, pack it to go and leave. I can't explain to you why we were so adamant about doing this, but we were.

So, we made it to Gyu at 5:30 at night. We had to wait about a half hour to get seated. We stood outside of the restaurant waiting for a table when I reached into my purse, took a bottled Diet Coke I had from earlier in the day and started drinking it. This was when Lindsey let me know that I better drink the whole thing up really quickly, because she was going to be needing it in a few moments. For what?

Smuggling sauce.

She wanted to put their delicious sauce in the Diet Coke bottle so she could have the sauce at home for future cravings.

When we were seated, Lindsey got up with my Coke bottle, went to the ladies room, washed the bottle out and came back to the table. It was on!

This was not the easiest task in the world, considering the waitress was totally creeped out by us and was keeping close watch. We kept asking for more salad dressing. We kept cooking our food and setting it aside. We kept asking for refills of the sauce even though we weren't eating and finally, it's basically impossible to go through one of their jars in one meal.

This whole process took about 2 hours...we should have just eaten there.

I'm proud to say we got out of there without anyone asking us about it. I know this doesn't mean they didn't know, but it makes us feel better. And I think the worst part about it is that I was so overcome with jealously that Lindsey got to have that sauce at home that I am now forcing her to go back so we can smuggle more sauce.

Sadly, this trend is just beginning...because we're sauce whores.

Hello???

2007-11-09T12:07:00.000-08:00

Hello?

We haven't written anything in quite a long time, and we were wondering if there are people out there in cyberland who still check into this blog. Let us know if you are out there and if you are still interested in reading about the fat life. To answer some oddball rumors that have come to our attention during our sabbatical: We are still alive. We are real people. We are both women in our 20's. We are not a fraternity hoax. And most importantly, we are still really really fat.

And by the way, we just have to send a shout out to gmail because when we sent this post to one another via gmail, the sponsored ad was: Are you fat? Take the Fat Quiz!

Happy V Day: I am retarded.

2007-02-14T14:09:00.000-08:00

I find that I compartmentalize my friendships and relationships into to very broad categories: 1. Those in which fatness may be discussed and 2. Those in which fat is a taboo subject.

Today I crossed that very important line in a moment of utter stupidity.

While taking a break from studying I found a Craigslist ad from a man who wanted to have sex with a fat girl with a big belly. The guy who wrote the ad said he worked out 4 times a week.

I attempted to email Emily and ask her why a man who worked out 4 times a week wanted to fuck a fatty with a big belly. I then included a link to the ad.

And then I pressed send.

And then I realized to my horror that I didn't send the email to Emily. I send it to my uptight, East Coast, Republican, NON fat discussing friend, James.

And then I felt like puking. Because I enjoy my cubby holes.

I am obviously fat. Everyone who looks at me knows that. But I like choosing with whom I discuss fat topics. And I do not like when that line is crossed.

So now James has an email waiting in his inbox where it seems like I ask him to write to some random guy off CL and ask him why he likes fat girls if he is a gym bunny.

This sucks.

Am I The Only One...

2007-02-08T10:16:00.000-08:00

I don't think I am the only one, but I often wonder if I am the only person who does this. You know when the news talks about fat people and puts up random shots of fat people walking? You know how they either do front shots with the head of the person cut off or a shot from the back? And, mostly, they are frumpy and, in my opinion, don't really show the fat demographic. At least I hope not.

It is such a fear of mine to recognize my pannus on the evening news. I know it will probably never happen and these are just stock footage from 1987, but I can't help but examine these people to see if they are me, or someone I know.

Who are these people? Do they know that they are on the news? Have they seen themselves?

I think this is going to be a mystery for a long time coming, but I will forever be on the lookout for myself on the news...I just can't help it.

Expense Reports: Bring 'Em On!

2007-02-01T09:07:00.000-08:00

Part of my job consists of me doing expense reports for various people, including myself. Example, when someone goes out of town, they will give me all of their receipts and I will create a report so they can get their money back from the company. It's a very small part of my job, but I must admit, it's my favorite.

Call it creepy, but I love lists. I love year books. I love directories. I love things that feed my little voyeuristic ways of seeing into someones life. And, what better way to see into someones life than to see what they eat!?

Because the company gives you a per diem of what you can spend each day, people, I'm thinking, usually eat more than they would if they were just at home. But, this way, you can see what people would really eat if money and everyday life didn't get in the way. It's great.

Take Lena for example. She just got back from a trip to Chicago. She had McDonald's at the LAX airport. She obviously likes to booze it up a little bit and doesn't shy away from meat entrees. She also likes her dessert.

I didn't think much about Lena before, but I think we could get along. She happens to enjoy cheeseburgers for lunch.

One girl in my office likes to skip breakfast and lunch so she can go to a really fancy restaurant at dinner time and spend her whole per diem there. I respect this. I'm not much of a breakfast person ( a fault I would like to correct). I also could do without lunch. I love that she treats herself to a $50 dinner, where she is dining alone.

Every time Lindsey calls me at work I will let her know what so and so is eating. She thinks I'm crazy. I think I'm a little crazy too, but that's okay...unless I end up in a mental hospital, rocking back and forth quietly saying to myself that Judy likes a side of horseradish with her fries.

Ohhhh...Ahhhh...FASHION!

2007-01-30T12:41:00.000-08:00

With all the complaining we do about not having enough clothes to cover our ample bodies, we need to take a moment out of our day and praise Igigi.

A wonderful woman named Ozlem sent Lindsey and I both two of the cutest dresses in the world and therefore I'm going to pimp her and Igigi out as if I had a feather in my hat and a cane by my side.

It's, finally, so refreshing to be able to find a dress that's:

1. Pretty (Who knew larger ladies could wear pretty clothes??)

2. Cut for a woman's body (not just a fat body)

3. Appropriate! ( I can't stress this enough. The clothes cover where they should, expose where they should and flatter where they should)

Lindsey and I each got the Alluring dress. I've never really written a fashion review before, but I must say, with a cardigan and flip flops, I look cute at work. With a wrap and some heals (which I can barely walk in) I can go out at night. I read InStyle Magazine...I know all about work to evening looks! And this, my friends, is definitely one of them.

So, go to the website. Buy something and let us know what you liked.

And here is a coupon...enjoy!

"I Feel So Degradatated"

2007-01-23T11:15:00.000-08:00

It seems as though I have lost my Weight Watcher weight tracker booklet. Knowing that it's somewhere like a trash bin now is pretty logical, but my mind is stirring up images that leave the land of logic and put me in a horrible, paranoid state of being. Someone out there has found this and is making copies and going to plaster them around town...at work...in restaurants...at my Weight Watchers meeting.

I know that's not going to happen, but that booklet, that stupid little booklet that's really a crappy piece of folded paper with little stickers on it stating my weight is out on the loose. And I'm not okay with it.

I noticed that I lost it when I went to weigh in on Saturday...where I was the only person to take my shoes off by the way. It wasn't in my purse. It wasn't in my car. It wasn't stuck between the pages of a book I've kept in my purse for the past couple of months that I haven't opened but will.

So, here I'm sitting at my desk at work and every time someone walks up to me I'm convinced they know what I weigh. And, to those who say, "you're fat...they know you're fat...get over it..." I hear what you're saying...but I have to disagree.

So, if anyone finds my Weight Watcher booklet...tear it up. It says Emily on it and it's out on the prowl.

Blood Oranges and Fatness

2007-01-11T08:08:00.000-08:00

I'm not an everyday talk radio listener, but I found this and I wanted to share it with all of you.

Click on the link and try to get through the talks about blood oranges, (which are delicious), and LA's best restaurant (which I looked at the menu and it doesn't look so good...but that's me). Once you get past all of this you will first listen to a doctor describe what Gastric Bypass is and then to what I thought was one of the best descriptions of being fat.

The woman, who had gastric bypass, tells her struggle with her weight and what her relationship with food was like while at her biggest. Maybe I'm the only one who feels exactly like her, or maybe not, but I wanted to share it with all of you because I've never actually heard anyone, besides on this blog, say exactly how I feel...even though she's all skinny now.

This is the link: http://www.kcrw.com/etc/programs/gf/gf070106microflora_teens_foo

Press listen and enjoy.

If you're like us...

2007-01-08T12:48:00.000-08:00

If you find yourself loving Lifetime movies about eating disorders and whatnot, I think you will enjoy what the channel for women is premiering tonight. It's called To Be Fat Like Me and it stars some girl from some show I never watched and Caroline Rhea (who still holds a place in my heart for making a joke about how her mother told her every time she felt bad about herself or her life to just "put on a little lipstick" and then proceeds to mimic herself scribbling lipstick all over her body).

The made for tv movie is about a high school girl with a fat mother and a fat younger brother who thinks they are lazy and doesn't get why they just don't lose the weight. What's so hard about being fat she asks herself? Well, obviously she'll find out. Oh and there's also something about a scholarship and her doing some documentary. But, lets get to the point: she wears a fat suit to school to see the responses she gets living the life of a fat girl. Sort of like that movie Just One of the Guys, but it's Just One of the Fat Girls.

I often have problems with shows where someone puts on a fat suit and feels how hard it is to live as a fat person only to be able to take the fat suit off and forget everything they've learned and felt. Don't even get me started about Shallow Hal. But, I'm going to watch tonight. I sort of can't wait. And not to go too much off topic, but who can't tell that someone is wearing a fat suit? Maybe from afar...maybe...but I'm not buying that. But, it's tv and I will let it slide.

So, I thought it would be fun to let you all know about the made for tv movie and tomorrow, or even after the movie premieres, we can talk about it. Sounds like a good time to me.

Tonight, Monday, January 8th, 2007 at 9pm on Lifetime...check your local listings.

Happy New Years and 1-800-FREE-411 (All in One Night)

2007-01-02T11:58:00.000-08:00

Lindsey and I spent New Years together on my roof. I made a new years resolution to not swear as much and well, I'm not sure what Lindsey's was. I wasn't going to make the same resolution I have for the last decade though, and we all know what that was...lose weight. I'm not going to make a resolution I know I'm just going to break within a matter of hours. So, I'm going to swear less...oh, and I'm going to drink more water. Yeah.

But, I do want to change in 2007. I know I said this, at least to myself 1994-2006, but, hey, it's always the truth. And Lindsey feels the same way I think.

So, at 12:07am on January 1, 2007 Lindsey and I used 1-800-FREE-411 to dial our local Weight Watchers to see if there was a meeting on Monday. We couldn't stop giggling. The woman at 800 Free 411 couldn't stop giggling. How many people had called her in that 7 minute period to ask for the local number to Weight Watchers? Jenny Craig? NutriSystem? (By the way, has anyone tried NutriSystem...I'm curious about it)

How many people, right after the ball dropped, spend their new years calling Weight Watchers? Were their phones flooded? I'm dying to know. I'm also a little scared to go to the meeting tonight. I'll most likely have to get there an hour early to secure a seat.

I also spent most of yesterday watching every dieting program they had on...Biggest Loser Marathon, Discovery Health Fatty Marathon, etc. (By the way, I'm still so impressed with everyone at BL. Though, I looked at Poppi's diet journal, and I think staying under 1,000 calories everyday is a little scary. I'm going to have to research that more.)

So, here's to a great year of swearing less and drinking more water and maybe, just maybe...losing a little bit of weight along the way.

Yawn...

2006-12-20T10:12:00.000-08:00

The following is a comment we got this morning...if you haven't already read it...take a looksy:

I've been a frequent reader of this blog for a while, finding it funny, touching and interesting. But lately I haven't check it much because of the attn whores, looser trolls that are annoying and repulsive, having nothing better to do than state to online strangers what they wouldn't dare to say to strangers on the street.

I've also grown a bit tired of the fatty girls, not of them exactly, I should say, but of their obsessiveness and then their whining and their pessimism towards their goals. I don't believe in diets, I believe that fat can indeed equal healthy, I also believe that one should do with one's body what one wants. But with the fatties...yeah, it's come to a point where I've said: Enough.

And it came today, upon seeing the amount of disrespect some of their brightest fans endured - upon seeing how the McGees have allowed trolls and regular a*holes to leave their crap all over the comments section.

Shame on you McGees. Shame on you for disrespecting your readers this way, for allowing pathetic nothing-better-going-on-in-their-life trolls to poop all the place, for allowing disrespect of this nature.

Your credibility has seriously been dwindling with every whine and moan after your binges. Your credibility I think took a serious toll after you allowed pathetic posters to run away with the comments section.

Good Job.

You've lost one more of your faithful readers, but are left with about 10 new trolls. Your logic and loyalty is as good as your diets.

And what do I, Emily, have to say about this? YAWN. And now, I will make my rebuttal!

I've been a frequent reader of this blog for a while, finding it funny, touching and interesting. But lately I haven't check it much because of the attn whores, looser trolls that are annoying and repulsive, having nothing better to do than state to online strangers what they wouldn't dare to say to strangers on the street.

Funny, touching and interesting...stop it, you're making me blush!

I've also grown a bit tired of the fatty girls, not of them exactly, I should say, but of their obsessiveness and then their whining and their pessimism towards their goals. I don't believe in diets, I believe that fat can indeed equal healthy, I also believe that one should do with one's body what one wants. But with the fatties...yeah, it's come to a point where I've said: Enough.

I can do with my body what I want to? Thanks...appreciate it...and my body has chosen to have a blog with my best friend where I can laugh, tell funny stories and sometimes, yes, sometimes, complain about crap. Show me the person who doesn't complain about something and I will buy them diamonds! Fancy!

And it came today, upon seeing the amount of disrespect some of their brightest fans endured - upon seeing how the McGees have allowed trolls and regular a*holes to leave their crap all over the comments section.

Allowing trolls and regular assholes to leave crap all over comment sections eh? Hmm...well, I guess showing others enough respect to express their opinions, even if they don't reciprocate that same respect back, is a bad thing? From now on, I will never let Republicans, Scientologists or Marxists ever tell me their opinions...because certainly I have now learned that if you don't agree with something, erase it and ban it!

Shame on you McGees. Shame on you for disrespecting your readers this way, for allowing pathetic nothing-better-going-on-in-their-life trolls to poop all the place, for allowing disrespect of this nature.

Seriously now...really? Shame on us? Because we were the ones who fed the trolls? We honestly have just tried to just ignore them...by not acknowledging them. Yes, sometimes, (ie The Tucker Max Escapade), we do play along...but, come on. Sometimes, even though they lack the same respect that we feel we all obtain, they spark interesting conversations and if you don't want hear it, don't read the comment section or just ignore what they have to say...they will go away. Though, don't you find it funny that they read a blog about being fat, when they hate fatties? I just know they are writing that mean stuff with tube of cookie dough in their hand...I just know it!

Your credibility has seriously been dwindling with every whine and moan after your binges. Your credibility I think took a serious toll after you allowed pathetic posters to run away with the comments section.

Credibility? As what? Fat girls? Because, besides having lives, that's what we are...fat girls...and you know what comes with the life of a fat girl, at least in our case, binges, bad days, days where we don't like ourselves because we chose to eat a burger instead of going for a walk. And what do I call that? I call that REAL. I call that life. I do call that credibility as fat, 20 something year old girls trying to live their life the best way they know how to at this point. As far as the comments section running amok, well, we don't control the comment sections...those are for comments...we control the part where we write little diddies about our personal lives. Oy!

Good job.

Thanks!

You've lost one more of your faithful readers, but are left with about 10 new trolls. Your logic and loyalty is as good as your diets.

Well, that does make us sad. We don't want to lose readers...because we like you. All of you. Even the mean trolls who shouldn't be so mean. We're full of love. Hey, maybe we're not fat with fat, we're fat with love!

Basically, we do apologize if people get their feelings hurt here. It is not the intention of this blog. I wish the comments were nicer, that people who have no interest in what we write would find a blog that suits their needs more, but we can't control that, and we're not about to censor people. So, to the trolls, feel free to express your opinions any way you would like, but think twice about the type of person you are being when you tell people, who you obviously don't agree with, that they are fat and that they are losers.

Sticks and stones may break our bones, but names will never hurt us because, and I truly believe this, we're all pretty good people, and ideally, that is all that should matter.

The Biggest Losers

2006-12-14T13:31:00.000-08:00

Last nights season finale of the Biggest Loser was, to say the least, amazing. That girl Poppi made me do a triple take. Erik was a completely different person and Brian, well, he's about to border into manorexia land (I thought he was hot as a fat man by the way). It was the best two hours I've had in a while. And, of course, (and this happens after every episode of the Biggest Loser), it made me want to go to the gym and start sweating. Will I? Probably not. Though, I like to think that I will one day.

Lindsey and I talk about the Biggest Loser often and we also talk about auditioning for the show. And, the reason we don't is very simple...we know we'd have an excellent chance of making it on the show. As many of you state in the comments section...those who aren't too busy making other's feel badly that is...we'd be awesome on the Biggest Loser. And, we would. We're funny, charismatic... I know that I could throw down some of the biggest excuses in Biggest Loser history to good old Bob the Trainer.

I also want to be pushed like that. I want to have nothing to do all day except train and count calories. I would love to focus 100% of my energy into changing my life. But, it's not practical for us at the moment life and job wise. And, well, there's that whole part about being on National TV.

I got to give it to the contestants for exposing themselves the way they do. I do not know how they gather the courage to look like fat pigs on television. Ever notice how at the beginning of the show the women have to wear sports bra tops exposing their huge bellies. Then, at the end of the show when they're skinny they can cover it all up? I don't need John Smith from high school seeing me at that state, even if I get hot looking at the end.

I know, it's all stupid, BS excuses I'm throwing out at you. Pretty pathetic. But, the truth is, we don't have the guts to do...no pun intended.

So, I ask all of you...our readers...send letters to NBC and The Biggest Loser and have them contact us.

MAKE US HAVE THE GUTS! (The good kind!)

The Double (X) Standard

2006-12-11T11:32:00.000-08:00

Most days, work days that is, I gather enough energy to put myself together and look nice and presentable. On the weekends, I'm lucky to get my bra on. I just don't like having to look nice on the weekends. It's the weekend for heaven's sake, let me relax.

I guess the thing that bothers me most about being fat is the double standards. This is in no way saying I don't like skinny girls (and we, here at Fatty Mcblog, definitely don't think that every girl who is skinny has an eating disorder...that's just dumb logic), or that skinny girls have perfect lives...but skinny girls can do one thing us fatties can't and it's really the only thing that bothers me...they can dress like hobos and it's chic. I dress like a hobo and well, I'm just a fat hobo.

Mary-Kate and Ashley drape themselves in fabric and it's boho chic. Girls in Beverly Hills wear very loose sweatpants and t-shirts with holes in them and go eat at the Ivy. I wear sweatpants and a shirt with holes in it and I'm just a fatty who is dirty and uncouth.

It's just not fair. I just wanted to say that. I'm done now.

The Best Thing I Have Ever Seen

2006-11-30T13:07:00.000-08:00

Living in Los Angeles, there is basically a mall 10 minutes from wherever you are. It's quite convenient. But, there is only one mall in particular that, I feel, basically caters to fat girls. That mall is The Fox Hills Mall. It's a little out of my way, but it's worth it. And there is little possibility of me running into people I know there, so, that's a bonus.

There is an Old Navy that has a fat girl section and there is a Lane Bryant, which is great, but they also have fat girl stores that sell, well, slutty fat girl apparel. Not exactly my style, but I have to admit how fun it is to see the girls trying things on. I personally feel like I'm exposing too much if I'm wearing a V neck t-shirt, but that's just me. (Read: Prude).

A couple of weeks ago I went there to: A. Return an online order mistake from Old Navy and B. Get dinner from this Mongolian BBQ place inside the mall. So, I was just minding my own business, waiting at my table in the food court while my meal was being prepared. Two women sat down at the table next to me with their food and started to eat. They were both bigger girls and we smiled at each other.

Then the best thing I have ever seen walked by.

A man, who couldn't be taller than 5'6 and couldn't weigh less than 350lbs walked by with a woman on his arm. She was, to put it nicely, a very large girl with a very little top on...not to mention a very little skirt just like one of the girls in those slutty fat girl stores I mentioned above. Like I said, I have no problem whatsoever with this look, it's just not for me and honestly, I think it's fun watch. They obviously were girlfriend/boyfriend and his hand was very much on her rear end.

Now, why is this the best thing I have ever seen? I'll tell you. The man had the following written on his shirt:

NO FAT CHICKS

As soon as this caught my eye my jaw hit the floor. This was hilarious. I'm so angry Lindsey wasn't there to see this with me. So, I did the next best thing. I looked at the girls next to me to see if they had seen what I had, and they did. You could tell they couldn't believe their eyes. And, this prompted one of the ladies to say to me, "Oh my God. Did you see that?", to me, a perfect stranger. Yes, lady, yes I did.

Sadly, my food order was ready and it was time for me to depart. Depart, but not forget.

Brownies or Divorce: You Decide!

2006-11-27T10:59:00.000-08:00

I watch a lot of crap TV dealing with weight loss. Lindsey got me hooked on that I Lost It and everyday at 3:30 in the morning, my little DVR goes off and saves a 1/2 hour of escapism for me. Not to mention my love for The Biggest Loser and all the other fat to thin shows there are out there. And, like always, there is always something that really bothers me. This time, that something is the wife/husband relationship.

I've always figured in my messed up little head that some day I would lose a ton of weight, meet a man and get married. Seldom do I think I'm going to meet a man looking the way I do right now, at least not a man worth marrying. I know that's not a very optimistic thing to say, but hey, I'm being honest. But, then I realize that even though I'm more than likely going to tell this man that at one point in my life I weighed more than a linebacker on the Raiders, there is still a possibility of me getting big again. He'll then say that he'll love me no matter what I look like, but it will be a lie.

A common thread I have seen in these weight loss shows is the fact that the husband marries a thin/thinner lady and then 25 years later ends up married to an obese woman. The husbands usually end up losing interest in their wives, sleeping in other rooms claiming the bed in the guest bedroom is better for their back, but telling the cameras that he was just not attracted to his wife anymore. That she made him disgusted and embarrassed. Yeah, I think they're asses too.

In the relationships I've been in I've lost lots of weight. Call it being uncomfortable eating in front of a boyfriend or whatever, it's just a silly fact about my life. But, knowing this has me think that I must marry a man that has seen me at my fattest, has loved me at my fattest and who knew me at my fattest. Therefore, if I lost weight, great...if I gain it back, that's okay too because he's seen me fat and obviously, liked something about me fat.

Is this possible though? Can marrying someone, at least for me, be the ultimate diet of them all? And here is a question to all of you: If you are married or in a relationship, what does your man or woman think of your weight? Were you big when you met? Has your body changed and what do they think of that change?

And We're Back

2006-11-21T09:11:00.000-08:00

So, these past two weeks haven't been the best. Lindsey started a job that basically has her working 7 days a week from 8 to 8...good thing about that is her office is above a really good diner. Bad news is that my father, at a young age, passed away and I have been dealing with that. It was sudden and horrible and I'm still very looney from the whole thing, but people have been bringing over food by the tons, so that's nice. And that got me thinking about just how comforting food is and the traditions that are situated around food.

All holidays have food involved, unless you're a Jew like me and can't eat on yom kippur, but then it's all about breaking the fast, so I guess it's about food after all. Food plays such a vital role in life it's amazing and the comfort it brings during such sorrow times is something that I will never put down.

During the first few days following my father's passing I couldn't bring myself to eat. The few bites I would take sat heavy in my stomach. It just felt wrong to enjoy anything while my father, who enjoyed food with a passion, wasn't able any longer to enjoy it and to me, food lost all meaning. But, just as fast as my hunger disappeared, it came back with a vengeance and the amazing pastries and deli platters crept back into my life. It still feels wrong though.

My father was an amazing man who loved to cook, but most importantly, he loved to feed those around him. I don't know what I'm going to do without my father around...probably lose 50 or so pounds...eh, maybe not.

Wanna Talk About Fat?

2006-11-07T11:08:00.000-08:00

I'm in a state of conflict. A hypocritical one at that. I was recently on the shuttle at work when a larger girl, who I don't know, made a comment to me that in reality, wasn't rude. If Lindsey had said it to me I wouldn't have even thought about it twice, but when this probably nice, fatish lady who I don't know personally made a comment about how they just don't know how to make bras for "us larger girls", I was in a state of shock.

I'm all for keeping it real. And, when I make comments about my fatness to others, it's okay, because they are my comments about my fatness, but when someone says it to you in a total surprising way, it throws you off a little bit.

What is it about fat girls, some, not all, that makes it okay for them to say fat things to other fat girls. It's one thing if it's your friend, but to a stranger, I don't know. And I'll admit it, I've done the same thing probably more than once, like the time I told Lindsey's friend Aimee some semi-retarded theory I once had about fat girls and tampons. I might have said something along the lines that most fat girls I knew wore maxi-pads instead of tampons and if there was some sort of connection. Neither Lindsey or I wear maxi-pads but that's besides the point. This girl looked at me like, "did you just classify me in your fat group?" I've felt a little bad about ever since, and this was over 4 years ago, but I digress.

I know there is a certain bond between fat girls that not one of you can deny. It's a bit of a sisterhood, a sorority of you'd like and sisters should be able to be open with their sisters, but there is a line that should not be crossed. If a woman fatter than me made a comment that put us in the same group, of course I would think, "Hey lady, I'm like, smaller...sort of...back off". But, should I feel this way? Should I embrace the fat sisterhood for all it's worth and not look back?

I guess what I'm trying to say is that fat girls feel it's okay to talk about their fatness with other fatties and I guess that I'm strangely for and against it all at once. Though, and I'd like to point out, I have yet to see a skinny girl go up to a skinny girl and lament or glorify aspects of their skinnydom...or have I just not been paying attention?

She wore an itsy bitsy teeny weenie big ol' black bathing suit

2006-11-02T09:21:00.000-08:00

I am leaving for a 2 week cruise in a few weeks and I am really excited about the trip, but I have put off the bathing suit issue for as long as I can...and it's time I come to a decision and purchase a new bathing suit, or swim naked on the ship.

I enjoyed my old suit. It was black and a halter and totally nondescript. It didn't look great on me, but it didn't make things worse. Unfortunately I somehow spilled bleach on it, so I am on the hunt for a new one. I don't expect bathing suit miracles because my body isn't pretty, so I tend to stick to simple shapes, dark colors, and no frills. I am an hourglass shape with all of my weight in my boobs and belly, so the little skirted suits don't hide much for me.

I was thinking about purchasing my suit from this store, Swimsuitsforall. Have any of you purchased a suit from this site before? I have found that some of the other sites that sell plus size bathing suits have generally poor quality clothes, so I am going to trust that an estore which only sells bathing suits has better quality merchandise.

These are a few I am considering:

Any thoughts on these? Let me know which one you guys like of these six options, or go to Swimsuitsforall and pick out another one. This is like group shopping! Maybe I should stick with all black as usual...

I Lost It!

2006-10-27T09:52:00.000-07:00

As many if you know, I will watch and/or read just about anything relating to fat people. And I just found a new show thanks to the amazing invention known as tivo!

Monday through Friday my tivo records for me a show called "I Lost It!". It's on the Discovery Health Channel and it's basic format consists of chronicling the stories of two people who have had weight related issues and the different ways they dealt with their issues and their weight. It's pretty sappy and there is a makeover portion where they get new clothes for their new bodies (in my opinion the new clothes are often really ugly), but I can deal with a little bit of cheesiness.

I discovered this show late last week so I have only seen a few episodes so far, but I am really enjoying the stories. I think a lot of fat people think that when and if they ever lose weight suddenly their lives will magically be better and all the obstacles in their way will suddenly disappear...and I know it's bullshit. But in many ways it's hard not to hold onto that hope because even though I know my life would definitely not be perfect if I lost weight, it's hard to imagine that many aspects of my life wouldn't be easier. I don't imagine that I would have a perfect life if I were thin, but I still cling to the hope that it would be better then it is right now.

And the show "I Lost It!" seems to glorify weight loss in a way that both resonates with me and pisses me off. During the half hour you hear the story and see the pictures of a sad fat person, listen to how and why they changed their eating/exercise habits, watch a lame makeover, and see how their life changed from when they were fat. It's both hopeful and depressing.

Has anyone ever seen the show? What part of your life do you think would be better if you lost weight? What part of your life do you think it would have no effect on?

The World's Fattest Twins

2006-10-23T13:25:00.000-07:00

Emily and I recently got manicures together. It was uneventful except that I managed to ruin 7 out of 10 nails over the next few hours...(they just wouldn't dry!). We had the last appointments of the day and we pretty much closed the place down. As I was attempting to dry my nails by the little fan before we were rushed out of the door, the ladies who worked in the salon started chatting us up. And they asked us a question we get all the time: "Are you sisters?" or "Are you twins?".

I can't tell you how often in the course of our friendship we have been asked that. And the reality is that Emily and I look nothing alike! The only things we have in common is we are both 5'7ish and we are both fat. Yep, that's it.

I just find it really annoying that the only thing people seem to see in us is our fat bodies. It's almost like we lose all other form of physical identities, and all that is left is that fat. Because there is no other reason to assume that we are sisters let alone twins.

Has anyone else had a similar experience? If you are fat and you have fat friends, do you feel like your combined fatness takes over so that is all anyone can see?

How She Got Thin!!!!

2006-10-18T13:36:00.000-07:00

We don't usually post things like this, but something said, Emily, say what's on your mind...and I will. How Brit Got Thin?? How she lost 26lbs in one month??? Um...well...huh...let me take a wild guess here...SHE HAD A FRIGGIN' BABY!

My new diet will consist of me getting pregnant, having that child, and then presto chango: I'll lose at least 20lbs that week. BRILLIANT US Magazine...BRILLIANT!

Oh, and don't you love the before picture of her pregnant...almost as if they are avoiding the fact that there was a human being living inside of her?

To Praise, Or Not To Praise

2006-10-16T09:29:00.000-07:00

I've been on and off Weight Watchers ever since I was 15. It's usually about 1 month on, 3 months off, 1 month on, 3 months off. I can see how I've gained weight all these years. I'll gain 10 and lose it, gain 15 and then lose 10, etc. It's a cycle that I'm used to having done it so many times. And I like Weight Watchers, as I've mentioned here before. I think it's the only way I'll ever lose my weight...if I ever fully commit to it...which this week I am. My meeting leader was named Elaine and I really liked her. A no nonsense Jewish mother whose daughter actually attends her meetings. It's a dynamic I like and I thought she was great.

She actually started her meeting by saying that someone recently told her that she didn't praise weight loss enough. That other meeting leaders would spend the first 10 minutes giving stickers to those who had lost weight that week and could brag about it. I had a leader once that referred to it as bragging stickers. Because we're all still in kindergarten and need stickers to make us feel better.

Even when I lose weight I never raise my hand when asked "who lost weight?". It's embarrassing and I'm not the type of person who needs that sort of validation or a pat on the back. When Elaine told how she didn't believe on spending 10 minutes of a 30 minute meeting on praising those who lost weight, I felt like applauding. Another girl in the meeting spoke up and told Elaine that she liked that she (Elaine) didn't spend much of the meeting praising those who lost weight because it made her feel, if she didn't lose weight that week, that she was a failure. That she was there to learn and evolve and the scale should reflect if she should feel good about herself that week or not. Bravo to that girl.

So, there I sat, thanking Elaine for having the chutzpah to say that your weight loss for that week is just a number and not a reflection of your self worth. I thank you Elaine...thank you for making me want to come back, even if I gain 4 lbs that week because cheeseburgers are just that good.

Fat Cat(Walk)

2006-10-09T12:45:00.000-07:00

A controversy that sprung up a couple of weeks ago in Spain caught the attention of both Lindsey and I. Seems as though anorexic looking models trying to make it in the fashion world (of Spain) have been banned from their catwalks. I was sort of shocked...you mean models can be too skinny? Isn't that their job? Aren't they walking hangers? What is too skinny in their eyes? Is it this:

I hope it is, because girl needs to eat a sandwich.

Anyway, and the real point of this post, is to commend Jean Paul Gaultier. I remember being a little kid and loving him because he made cone bras for Madonna and I also remember he had a really weird perfume bottle that I always thought was interesting. But, now, I have a whole new way of loving him and it's because of this:

Girl looks fierce! JPG sent this plus sized model (said to be a size 20...but I have my doubts) down the runway at Paris Fashion Week obviously in some sort of response to the recent controversies over banned skinny models. Awesome.

But, I'm still not sure what the purpose was of this. What was JPG trying to say? Was he saying "look how horrible fat models look and therefore shouldn't be a part of high fashion"? Or, was he sticking it to the man? I hope the latter.

I'm not saying that all models should be fat. Sometimes, I even have to admit that the couture clothes look better on a thin, healthy looking model. Thin, not scary skinny. But, this is a move in the right direction I think, and I applaud Jean Paul Gaultier. Hey, maybe my dream of pageants and catwalks isn't that far off.

First To Finish Is The First To Lose

2006-10-03T14:13:00.000-07:00

I remember a time when I was around 8 years old and my friend Natally and I were sitting on the floor of my room playing with Barbies. I also remember each of us had a fruit roll-up that my mother had bought for snacks. We both opened them at the same and I devoured mine as I thought she did as well.

Natally was one of the most skinniest friends I've ever had. Pretty and skinny. She lived across the street from me and we were best friends. And as best friends, especially when you're very young, you compete. Jump rope, hopscotch, even playing Barbies becomes a competition. But, little did I know, eating was also a competition.

After I finished my fruit roll-up I saw Natally look at me, and then take what appeared to be the rest of her fruit roll-up from behind her and start eating it right in front of me. Now, this is as childish as children get. But, playing the "look what I have and you don't" game still goes on today now that we're adults.

I notice that when I'm with a friend eating I still find that I sometimes play the "look what I have and you don't" game. It's not healthy and I know this, but it still happens. I notice this mostly happens with my friend Melissa. Melissa usually comes over once a week to watch Laguna Beach with me because we might be in our mid-twenties, but there's that 16 year old girl deep down inside all of us. We'll go and pick up dinner and come home and watch. And I also notice that Melissa will eat half of her meal and stop eating. Then, like clockwork, as soon as I am done with my food, she'll pick up hers and continue her meal. And, sick as it may seem and even when I'm stuffed to the gills, I'm still jealous. It sucks when someone has something you want...I just can't believe it continues into adulthood, and with eating no less.

Fat Sex

2006-09-26T09:32:00.000-07:00

FAT SEX. Two words which some people think should never be combined. But sometimes they are...birds do it, bees do it and even us fatties get down and dirty sometimes.

Ever since that eventful night years ago when I lost my virginity to the Rabbi's son (seriously), I've been a little bit obsessed with fat sex. He was fat, I was fat. Our bodies slapped together in the most horrifying fashion. After dishing the dirt to Lindsey about it we decided to do a little investigation on the topic of Fat Sex. We even found out about something called family assisted sex, for those who are very, morbidly, morbidly obese. Amazing. People actually have to have friends and family come over in order to hold rolls, legs, etc., away so that the man can penetrate the woman. I don't know what happens when a man gets too fat? How does one hold a man's pannus up so that he can be with his girl? But, I digress.

Sex was something that was difficult for me at first because of my body. I was in constant fear he would see my body and be completely grossed out. I would never get on top. I would take my clothes off under the covers. It took me a while to realize a very important thing about fat sex: If a guy is dating you, or has at least taken you out for dinner, he's expecting, well, at least wanting sex. No guy in the history of guys has ever told a woman to get off of him because her thighs are too big. He might not talk to her afterwards, but he is not going to pass up the opportunity for sex because of it.

I remember being so deathly afraid of being on top of a man because he would see my body or that I would crush him, that it took me a long time to muster up the courage to do so. Obviously, laying down makes your fat belly flatter, your tits stand at attention, etc. But, being on top sure makes the guy happier and your boobs actually look nice that way too.

The sounds that are made during sex are not one's that are the most...flattering. The slapping, bumping and groaning all sound sexy in the moment, except when you realize that it's your bellies making those noises...especially when you're starving afterwards and your stomach growls.

The last boyfriend I had lived with his brother. I'd usually go over to his house when my class got out and we would hang and then naturally, get busy. While we were going at it one night, his brother walked in on us and saw me in all my glory. Flab Galore. Body flapping in the wind. Normally, I would have died of embarrassment. It's one thing to let someone you want to see you naked see you, but when a person who you don't want to see you naked does...it's humiliating. But, for reason I didn't care. Maybe because it was at the end of the relationship? I don't know...but that poor boy must have gotten an eyeful...and a very important lesson on how if there is a foreign car in the driveway...KNOCK ON YOUR BROTHER'S DOOR BEFORE BARGING IN!

I think the greatest paradox in my life is how much confidence I have out of my clothes. I know that I do a good job (is that nasty to tell all of you?), and I think that since I know I'll be doing a good job, it doesn't matter what I look like naked. He may even think my rolls and bellies are attractive...but if he dare tries to touch my belly...he's in serious trouble...

Crimson and Clover Over and Over...

2006-09-25T00:19:00.000-07:00

The most disturbing thing about having a blog (aside from having a blog...) is that there is documentation of things which are obviously reoccurring themes in my life. For instance this post which I wrote on January 30th is basically the same thing I almost wrote right now.

Pretty much word for word (substituting Yom Kippur for Valentines Day) I am in exactly the same boat now as I was in then.

I like a boy. We have been writing for almost two weeks (which is a long correspondence in the land of fake boyfriends). He wants to meet. I feel the need to "warn" him over and over again that I am fat.

What I really feel like saying to him is, "I'm fat. I may always be this fat. I may get smaller (or bigger). But I am really fucking cool so let's give this a go". But that sounds stupid.

I think what has me so worried is that while I have already told him I am fat, the image of a "fat woman" has so many different conceptions. For some people it means anything over 120 lbs. For others anything over 200 lbs is gigantic. And while I am of the opinion that most men have no idea what women actually weigh, I am universally fat.

And I am worried that he wont want a fat girlfriend. Or he wouldn't want to introduce a fat girlfriend to his friends. Or he would only use me for sex and leave out the relationship part.

And I guess if I get right down to it, I don't feel like I am ever going to find a loving normal relationship at this weight, so I sabotage myself. Past experience tells me I am correct to do so. But if I keep doing it, then nothing will ever change.

I just don't want to settle. I like certain traits in men, and in my mind the chance that one of those men would actually date a fat girl seems to be minuscule. I suppose I have only a few options:
1. Just meet him and hope for the best;
2. Tell him again that I am fat. Really fat and try to get a straight answer out of him about how he feels about that;
3. Stop attempting to date until I have some more confidence in myself.

I want to do option number 2 so badly but it seems insane. I will probably go with option number 1. And option number 3 just confuses me even more.

Am I missing any other options? Thoughts?

Controversy and Pimping

2006-09-24T21:48:00.000-07:00

As odd as it seems to us, our blog sometimes gets discussed and dissected in other forums. We love when that happens because we like watching the numbers on our site meter go up! But we do find it peculiar that our blog is sometimes referred to as controversial.

Since when does a blog about fatness have to be about either dieting or fat acceptance? We don't live our lives in either of those realms. Thus, our blog (which is not fake as has hysterically been suggested a number of times!) is about our honest feelings about being fat. What is so controversial about that?

We think most of our loyal readers understand what we write about, but it's sort of funny that new readers don't seem to know what to think!

And so, on a barely related topic...please tell any friends, co-workers, relatives, or sworn enemies to read Fatty McBlog if you think they might enjoy it!

Recent Growth

2006-09-22T00:14:00.000-07:00

I hate writing this down because it's just so...FAT...but lately I have been feeling, well, fatter. There is no doubt about it, I have definitely gained some weight recently, though I am too scared to get on the scale to find out how much. I can tell not only from how my clothes are fitting, but because I can actually feel the fatness.

Like I can touch a place that wasn't there before. A new fold, a new stretchmark, a new curve. And I can't stand it. To me there are different levels of fat. I can't quantify these levels, but when I see other fat people, I know where they fall on my internal level of fatness scale. And I have recently gone up a level (or two). I used to be on the upper range of acceptably really fat, and now I am no longer anything that can be considered acceptable.

I sort of just want to hide from the world.

I don't want to go out with my friends tomorrow night. I don't want to fly home and see people I haven't seen in a really long time. I don't want to meet this cute boy who I have been talking to and who wants to take me on a date. I don't want to do anything.

But I think I may have to do something about it really soon. Because I hate the feeling of getting fatter.

Does anyone else relate to the feeling of moving up a level in the range of fatness?

RIP Long and Lean Jeans 2005-2006

2006-09-21T13:35:00.000-07:00

I'm a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl. Most everyone here knows that Gap Long and Leans (which have now been discontinued! See Epilogue), size 20, are a staple in my wardrobe. They fit every inch of my body and even cover my big belly. My only problem with the jeans are the button.

I want to explain this the best way I can: When I'm sitting down for long periods of time, like when I'm at work, my jeans tend to role inward causing the button to harm my abdomen and create a bruise. It hurts. A lot. But, it's not like I can just stop wearing jeans. And, for those of you who say to get a bigger size, yeah, I'm not going to do that. So, what did I do? I came up with my own solution: I've been going into the bathroom at work, unraveling some toilet paper, folding it and stuffing it between my stomach and the jeans. I know...I'm a freaking genius.

These are the only problems I've had or see in the future:
1. The toilet paper isn't made for withstanding long periods of rubbing up against jeans and bellies...so it sometimes balls up and I find pieces of it in my belly button (side note: is my belly button so deep because I am sooooo fat?)

2. What if someone sees it? I don't wear short shirts. Maybe a Top Ten problem I have with being fat is that they don't make shirts long enough and therefore, you see nothing but front butts everywhere. I've remedied this by going out of my way to find shirts long enough and buying them in bulk.

Anyway, that is my plight. Toilet paper stuffed into my jeans like I'm some sort of weird scared crow. Fatty Crow?

Epilogue: Since the idea of this post, my good ol' long and leans have died...gone to jean heaven. Cause of death: Thunder Thigh Rubbage. I've been mourning their death for quite some time. Remedy: I bought a new pair of jeans...but GAP doesn't have traditional long and leans anymore so I had to get these jeans called Curvy. I don't know. I'm skeptical...they messed with my jeans. They messed with my staple. They have something called Long and Lean FLARE...but, trust me when I say, those are not Long and Leans.

Good news is that I think the days of stuffing tissue down my pants are gone. Seems GAP got wise to this and made a thicker waist band. Again, I'm skeptical.

Viva la Tissue!

I'd rather be handcuffed to Saddam Hussein

2006-09-17T22:22:00.000-07:00

As a self proclaimed fat and paranoid person I think people are staring and judging me all the time. But I am soon to be in a situation where it is 100% guaranteed that I will be the least popular person in the vicinity...on an airplane.

I am taking a six hour plane ride across the country and I am having so much more anxiety then usual. As a preface, I am a terrible flier. I have been known to sob silently to myself and have actual panic attacks. I can recite the rational facts about air travel and try to calm myself down, but nothing will make me feel better until we are in descent. Because for some reason the most statistically dangerous parts of a plane ride, the takeoff and landing, don't scare me.

But on top of my usual psychosis about flying, I am also dealing with paranoia about being way fatter then the last time I flew. I know whoever sits next to me if going to curse the gods for making me the person next to them and when they get off the plane, they are going to tell whoever picks them up at the airport that they had to sit next to a fatty the whole time. And I can't exactly blame them. I wouldn't want to sit next to me. A hysterical fat girl is not exactly the most awesome person to sit next to for six hours...

As a fat girl, I know that I will be spending the trip trying to make myself seem as small as possible. Being careful not to let any part of my body touch the person next to me. My shoulders will be hunched into themselves. My thigh muscles will be working overtime keeping my legs together. If I don't die in flight I will exit the plane a complete mess with every muscle aching.

But I haven't even addressed my biggest fear - what if I am now too fat for a seat belt??? What if my giant belly is now in the way of buckling up? I have never had to use a seat belt extender before, and I am so scared that this time I may have to. How do you get one? What if everyone hears me? What if the flight attendant is a bitch? Does JetBlue even have them or do I need to bring my own? I know I will never have to see any of those people ever again but I am still totally mortified by the prospect of having to use one. I really hope I am just catastrophising and I don't really need one - but I might!

Have any of you ever used one? What was your experience? How did you ask for one? And doesn't it particularly suck to fly as a fat person and know that everyone on the entire plane is hoping that you don't sit next to them?!?!?

I'm Your Private Eater...

2006-09-13T13:59:00.000-07:00

I like to eat in private. I'd rather eat by myself than with people and I prefer not to eat out at all. I know it's all psychological and I know that it's not healthy. But, I'm fat. And as a fat girl, I'm super uncomfortable eating in public. There are so many things you can't do with your food in public. You can't:

--Make a buffet of sauces for you to dip each bite into
--Wear a shirt you don't care about spilling on
--Get things on your face and not care
--Prepare your food the way you want to
--Watch TV

I'm the queen of take-out. I'll pick up food a couple times a week and bring it home. There, I usually lay a large towel on my bed, put on a crappy old tshirt, get out my "eating tray", prepare my sauces, make sure I have a cold drink, find my remote and get down to business.

Sometimes, I wish a therapist could observe this craziness, but then again, it defeats the purpose of loving to eat alone. And on those occasions when I do go out to eat, I'll usually pick at my food, eat about 1/4 of it and then bring the rest home and follow the ritual mentioned above.

I had been at my old job for such a long time that I really got into a comfortable place where I didn't care who saw me eating what. But, that's not the same with my new job, especially since I'm now in a cubicle next to a woman named Beverly.

I love, love, love Beverly. Once, when I was having a bad day I almost asked her for a hug. She's awesome and a motherly figure. And, she always asks me what I'm eating. She must have some sort of bionic ears/nose because she can hear/smell everything. And every time I'm enjoying my lunch, she says something.

"Whatcha eating?"
"That smells good"
"Let me come and see what you're eating"

It's almost too much to handle. And the thing is, I could go eat someplace more secluded, but if I did that would mean I'm taking traditional lunch hours and I would have to stay later at work. (my boss allows me to skip lunch, eat quickly and leave an hour early)

So, I'm going to have to work on this eating out stuff, because:

1. The food here is pretty good
2. It's only Beverly
3. I can't be this crazy anymore.

The Fat Best Friend...And Buffy. Yep, the Vampire Slayer.

2006-09-10T13:50:00.000-07:00

"The fat best friend" as a stereotype is alive and well in this country but not on our televisions.

As someone who has filled the role of fat best friend for her whole life, I can tell you from experience it is not just a stereotype, but a reality. When the FBF is best friends with another girl, she fills the role of someone who will always be there because she doesn't have a life of her own, someone to talk about boy problems with because she doesn't have a boyfriend of her own, someone to shop with even though she can't buy clothes from the same store you can, and someone who will always be there because where else is she going to be? When the FBF is best friends with a guy, she fills the role as a de-feminized girl, someone you can talk to like another guy but who somehow magically knows about women. Someone who will be a standby date if nothing else pans out. Someone who you never think about in "that way".

Yeah, I sound bitter. Because I am.

I talked to a friend from college yesterday who I have not spoken to in nearly three years. She had been trying to get ahold of me for months but I just never had the energy to engage her in a conversation. But yesterday I picked up when she called and she told me all about her boy problems and how she has gained so much weight and how all of her friends were either married or in couples and how she blamed her singleness on her recent weight gain. And she never once asked me if I was seeing someone. She just wanted me to commiserate with her weight gain and loneliness. Because that it how she will forever see me. Fat and alone.

I racked my brain trying to come up with examples of the fat best friend on television. I came up with Natalie on the Facts of Life and Carmen on Popular. I am guessing there must be more, but I can't think of any right now. (Maybe you guys can think of some). Because the American public doesn't want to see fat people on Television.

But everyone knows that. "TV fat" is when size 8's are made to seem obese next to the size 2 stars, and that is the representation of fat people we get as a reflection of ourselves on television. But I wouldn't have even bothered to write this post if I hadn't stumbled across a clip on youtube (shown below).

I am outing myself right now as a closeted fan of Buffy The Vampire Slayer. That's right. I'm a huge Buffy enthusiast. Pun intended. I enjoyed seven years worth of slaying, sarcasm, friendship, apocalypses, and hot vampire sex. But I never knew that Willow, Buffy's best friend was originally supposed to be a fat best friend. Sure, she was only TV fat, but she was fat none the less.

I am totally disappointed with Joss Whedon. I really think he could have kept Willow as a chubby girl and made her character even more complex and interesting. Sure, there was nothing great about the girl in the Pilot, but Joss could have stuck with the concept and shopped around for a different better chunky Willow. And to those of you who are huge Alyson Hannigan fans, I have nothing against her. I just like to watch fat people on TV and Alyson's Willow is as wispy as they come.

I know it's strange that I am simultaneously complaining about how much I hate what the role of fat best friend means while at the same time promoting the idea of having more FBF's on television, but I don't think it has to be a contradiction. Joss could have written chubby Willow to have her own storylines. Her own boyfriends and/or girlfriends. Chubby Willow could have been amazing. But she never had the chance.

2006-09-10T13:32:00.000-07:00

Buffy Unaired Pilot Episode:Part 1

For those who care to watch, at the 3 minutes 25 seconds mark, chubby Willow makes her appearance. Poor chubby Willow Rosenberg never had a chance to be the Jewish fat best friend she was meant to be...

For those of you who have never seen any episodes of Buffy, don't be scared away by this. This is the unaired pilot. I suggest renting or buying the seasons on DVD, and getting to know the girl and her friends who saved the world. A lot.

Start a Revolution!

2006-09-06T21:25:00.000-07:00

The Craigslist Ad:

Freelance Jeans Designer

Reply to: mp_wear@yahoo.com Date: 2006-09-06, 11:05AM PDT
Newly formed Mark Penn wear is looking for a fresh designer for a small line of mens/women jeans. Please email us for more details.

The Idea:

We think it would be sort of funny and possibly constructive if people who read this blog would email the people who posted the ad. Don't you wish you had a say in what type of fat girl jeans were sold? Now is your chance! Write them an email with what you wish fat girl jeans were like, and post your emails in the comment section for all to read!

Tell Us...

2006-09-06T10:22:00.000-07:00

We know why we're fat, but, why are YOU fat?*

* If you're not fat, don't bother telling us.

Emily called me fat when I told her I wanted to write about this...

2006-09-04T23:02:00.000-07:00

I have noticed a strange phenomenon. Whenever I see someone on TV or in a movie eating Chinese food it always looks amazing, and yet whenever I eat actual Chinese food I am always totally disgusted and end up throwing most of it out. Chinese food just never satisfies me like it should, and yet I allowed myself to be fooled by Chinese food on TV again and again.

There was one item on the Chinese repertoire that I finally found that never disappointed. It was from a particular restaurant in NYC's Chinatown, and their Bao was absolutely amazing. Bao are Chinese barbecue pork buns which are fluffy white buns filled with a savory mixture of minced Chinese barbecue pork, soy sauce, oyster sauce, scallions and sugar. When I lived in the neighborhood I would get two or three orders and nothing else and the waitress thought I was a crazy white girl (which I guess I am). But much to my great dismay, I recently found out that the restaurant closed! I have had Bao from other places, but I am convinced theirs was the best. So, I am now without Bao, and without any Chinese food options at all!

I am just shocked at how much TV can influence me to order something I know for a fact I don't like. I watched an episode of Nip/Tuck today and there was Chinese in one scene, and I almost ordered it for dinner even though I know full well that I would not actually want to eat it once I got it.

Damn, I really want a Bao right now!

Teeter, No Totter

2006-09-01T10:32:00.000-07:00

The only thing worse than being a fat adult is being a fat kid. Especially if you were a fat kid like me and chose to only have ultra skinny friends. (What's with me that I did that? Masochist). Anyway, I was on the phone with Lindsey the other night and reminisced that once upon a time ago, when I was a wee little chubby child, I hopped on a teeter totter/seesaw while at summer camp with my best friend Katy. Katy was, of course, tiny. She was not only skinny but she was short. Needless to say, she was stuck up in the air a long time, with no totter to speak of. If I had gotten on the seesaw too fast, she would have catapulted over tall trees.

Obviously, playing with this contraption with me was not fun for Katy. The whole point of the thing is to go up and down and with my weight being much higher than hers, there was no even distribution of weight to make the seesaw, well, fun. She had a great idea...she invited another girl to sit on her side. Yes, because two skinny kids equaled one of me. (I wonder why I have self esteem issues now?).

While telling the story to Lindsey, I got totally embarrassed about around 11 years too late. I didn't even remember the story until I told Lindsey about it. Being a fat kid is hard.

I wonder how many other stories I have in my head that I have repressed. Does anyone else have any horrible, embarrassing fat kid stories?

Intentionally Fat - DON'Tclick or watch at work!!!

2006-08-29T22:29:00.000-07:00

I love love love before and after pictures pertaining to weight loss. I have known this for quite some time. But it took some getting used to for me to be comfortable with before and after pictures pertaining to weight gain. And I am still not exactly comfortable with the entire subculture of gaining and stuffing, but the amazing chronicles of weight gain journeys fascinate me to no end. There is something so perverse and intriguing about watching a person gorge themselves for long periods of time for the purpose of gaining weight. It seems incredibly counter-intuitive to me, but then again, I am still slightly confused that someone would choose to be obese. But these people exists, and I for one am thankful for that because they document their weight gain and give me a chance to be the creepy voyeur I always knew I could be.

The people who are into this subculture seem to be mainly guys who are into really fat girls, gay men into chubby gay men, or the random girl who for whatever reason wants to gain weight.

There are the critics of the subculture who feel that being in a feedee/feeder relationship is based on dominance and submission and that the feedee is really just being manipulated. And of course, most people who have heard about feeders/feedees cite the health concerns surrounding intentional weight gain. But that's not what I am writing about here. Because I have absolutely no interest in the feedee/feeder thing. I just like looking at the pictures of people as their weight progresses.

I don't think this post will appeal to everyone, so if you are offended by images of people getting fat on purpose, I wouldn't read much further. Also, some of these pictures and links are most definitely not safe for work!

I love looking at fat bodies where the person seems proud of his/her rolls and overall girth.

There are way better examples of weight gain progression in photos (you can find them on yahoo groups), rather then on film clips, but I am really trying to see if I can figure this whole putting film clips up on the blog thing.

Am I the only one who finds this whole thing fascinating? Has anyone else heard about this? Do you all think I am creepy for writing about this?

So, without further ado, here are some examples (of me trying to be technologically competent) of some weight gain clips:

2006-08-29T22:12:00.000-07:00

Fat Belly Dance

2006-08-29T22:09:00.000-07:00

Brooke eating

2006-08-29T22:07:00.000-07:00

Jock gets FAT

2006-08-29T22:05:00.000-07:00

Wow, I gained 5 pounds in 4 days...

Fatties of the USA Unite! (Oh, and watch Veronica Mars!!!)

2006-08-27T22:36:00.000-07:00

It's almost that time of year again ... The Biggest Loser! I was really excited when Emily emailed me with a link to the official site, and perhaps to compensate for the fact that I don't have access to TV, I devoured the entire interactive page. The tagline is, "50 states. 50 contestants. Weighing over 14,000 pounds. But that's all about to change." I read the bio on everyone and studied pictures pretty closely, and I have come to one conclusion: I should have been one of the people who picked the cast because they are a little lite on women. Pun intended.

Now I may be wrong, and all of my info is based on a 2 paragraph bio and a picture from the neck up, but I am vaguely sure that I am fatter then all the women on the show! I also disappointed that the producers of TBL don't read Fatty McBlog, because if they did, they would know that there are women in America who weigh (significantly) more than 250 lbs, and we want to see ourselves on television! Plus, it seems so much more compelling to watch people lose weight when they were really heavy before. Sure, it's possible that some of the women were like last year's Susie and their faces are all little and the weight is all contained below the belt, but from the look of the pics I saw, there is maybe one woman over 270. Maybe. And I find that disappointing. Especially since there are 50 contestants, one from each state...I desperately wanted to see a really really fat chick from somewhere in the deep south. Because I love stereotypes.

My early favorites are Poppi from New Jersey, Tim from Oregon, and Brian from California because I have a soft spot for dads with beards, biker/preachers, and fat comediennes. If and when I get access to TV, I may update my favorites.

But there is a clear winner in the Favorite Foods lists. Most contestants put what you might imagine. There were myriads of Chinese, pizza, burgers, fried stuff, ice cream, etc. Mine would have been sushi with spicy mayo, and anything with sugar. But then Mark from Montana came out with this doozy, "Homemade pasta Alfredo with sauce kneaded into the pasta dough and extra sauce on top, top off the pasta Alfredo with a massive chicken breast stuffed with cashews and garlic, baked and swathed in a honey almond glaze". Wow. Talk about specific. I applaud the detail, and my chest hurts just from reading about it.

All in all I am excited about the new season and disappointed that the women seem so "small" and divided into either women who want to lose their baby weight or women who want to lose weight so they can meet a man and have babies. I'm sure if I get to watch it I will be pleasantly surprised and then as the weeks go one I will get increasingly more bitter and resentful.

Emily and I did seriously consider trying out for this season, but in the end we were too chickenshit to be seen on TV with our real weights. Hmmm, maybe that's why there are no women on it who are our size...

So watch The Biggest Loser.

And, as a side note: Watch Veronica Mars!!!! It is my personal mission to get more people to watch this show so it doesn't get cancelled! My suggestion is to go out and rent or buy seasons 1 and 2 on dvd, get caught up, and then watch it when the season returns October 3rd at 9pm on the new CW network. For real, it's a good show, even if the main character is super tiny.

Marry Me Duff Man

2006-08-21T12:41:00.000-07:00

Because Lindsey got to confess her love for Jeremy Piven, and did so with my full support, (because I’d marry that man in a micro-second) I’m going to use our little blog to pimp myself to a man who, without knowing too much about him, I would marry if he simply just sent an email to me asking for me to do so. His name is Duff Goldman, and I call dibs on him.

I encountered Duff a while back when I was watching one of those amazing Food Network Challenges about cakes. I’m always one to pull for Colette usually, because she’s great and I’m a big fan. But this challenge was different because of a new contestant. A one Mr. Duff Goldman. His personality and ability to decorate cakes made me swoon and therefore, I shall use this time to pledge my love for him.

My secret crush on Duff extended into me watching many reruns of the same cake challenge. I think he did two or three of them, not quite sure, but I know I’ve seen them all about 3 times over. Yeah, I’m creepy.

Then, when I found out that he was getting his own show, Ace of Cakes, because there must be a lot of ladies out here who can’t get enough of him, I set my Tivo and waited for his shows to start piling up on my television set. And they did, and I fell into a much deeper crush.

These are the reasons I love Duff so much:

· He’s funny and gives high fives, which I’ve been trying to bring back in style for a while now.
· He can not only bake a mother f’ing cake, he can decorate the crap out of it
· He also cooks
· He uses power tools, and that’s super hot
· He’s Jewish
· He’s got a belly
· He’s got a shaved head
· He doesn’t hire anyone he doesn’t know...all of his employees are his friends.

So, let’s sum this up here: a nice Jewish boy, who can use power tools, bake and decorate a cake and that has a belly. Yeah, quite the panty creamer. I have these crazy daydreams where we’re getting married and he designs our wedding cake and it’s decorated in a theme of a time-line of our relationship together.

I’m just wondering if I will ever find a better match for a fat girl like myself. Can a fat girl find a better match than a chef/baker?? Something tells me I’m not going to marry a cake decorator. And that’s sort of sad for me. But, Duff, if you’re out there and you have a weakness for Jewish fat girls with mildly interesting jobs, who can apply their lip gloss like Molly Ringwald in the Breakfast Club, write to me...you won’t be disappointed.

Even Models Do It

2006-08-18T00:19:00.000-07:00

I have issues ordering food while I am by myself. It makes me uncomfortable and I feel like everyone is staring at me and judging my order which is ridiculous because I know in reality only 3/4 of the people around me are staring and judging. But that's beside the point.

About a week ago I conjured up the courage to order a sandwich while I was all alone, thus able to eavesdrop on the conversations going on around me. My ears perked up to a vaguely familiar yet completely unplaceable Southern twang. I looked up and right in front of me in line was last season's America's Next Top Model winner Danielle and ANTM reject Mollie Sue. They both looked sightly prettier and taller than average girls and were both dressed pretty low key. I, of course, recognized them immediately because back when I had TV I was obsessed with ANTM because I can't get enough of the photo shoots (I want to be a photographer).

Danielle was (still) talking about how her agency wants her to fill the gap in her two front teeth. She was literally having the same conversation she always had on the show...it was kind of eerie. My god woman, you are incredibly photogenic and the gap suits you beautifully! Embrace the gap or get veneers already!

But the reason I even bothered to write about this is because as I followed Danielle and Molly Sue back from the sandwich line to the cash register line, Mollie Sue starting to complain that she was gaining weight. To demonstrate her weight gain she lifted her arm and started swatting at an invisible fatty under arm deposit that clearly did not exist. She was like, "Look at this! Can you believe it? I mean, I am older now, but why is this happening to me?".

I really wanted to punch her. I know it's normal and that everyone has issues with parts of their bodies but it was just really hard to hear the "I have such fat arms" complaint coming from a wannabe/almost/maybe model who has no visible fat while I stood behind her sweltering in a sweater over my tank top because I have actual fat hanging from my arms which exists in reality. As I have stated before, I have loads of thin friends who pull the whole, "I am sooooo fat" thing all the time but as I recently found out it's much more annoying and irksome to hear it from a model who you don't know and can't call on her bullshit and tell her to shut up.

Blah blah blah...skinny girls feel pain too. Modeling is a tough business...yadda yadda yadda. But still, for all the models out there who I know look to me for guidance, for the love of my sanity, please stop calling yourselves fat ... we don't pay you to talk. We pay you starve yourselves and give the public a photo-shopped image of an ideal of beauty that can never ever be attained. Even by you apparently.

Don't Believe The Hype!

2006-08-17T11:38:00.000-07:00

I finally have the evidence I need to prove that bitch from the third grade wrong...I am not a cow!

In an effort to lose weight I tried the hip new "Scared Shittless by Wolves Diet", and I am sorry to report that it did not work. I spent a week huddled with other fatties in fear of being eaten by the villan of Little Red Riding hood fame in the hope that I would be too scared to eat, but to no avail. In fact, the constant huddling and general lack of movement must have lowered my metabolism, which, combined with the fattening Little Debbie snacks in the suitcase I was huddling with, caused me to actually gain 4 pounds over the week long ordeal.

Though I may not have lost any weight, there is a bright side: I may in fact not be a cow. Plus I wasn't attacked by wolves like some of the unlucky bastards stationed on the perimeter of the fat people huddle.

Fatties + Celebs = My Kind Of Everything

2006-08-16T09:56:00.000-07:00

When I was younger, around the age of 10, I was chubby. Not yet a full fledged fatty, but chubby nonetheless. Because my mother did not want me to be so chubby she enrolled me in an expensive program called ShapeDown. (Yes, ShapeDown. I still don't know why it wasn't called ShapeUp because it makes a lot more sense to me to want to ShapeUp rather than to ShapeDown, but I don't make the rules).

Now, don't go ape-shit on my mother. She wasn't one of those mother's who would tell me I'm fat and comment on everything I ate. Yes, there was never anything that wasn't fat free in the house, but my mother has had her own battles with weight, so she gets it. Also, she signed me up at my request and blessing. At 10, I knew I was chubby and I noticed the difference between my skinny friends and me. I've always been aware of my weight.

The program was for both the fat children and our parents. The mothers/fathers would go meet with a counselor to discuss topics as what to put in your child's lunch, how to increase physical activity in your child...things like that. Us children would go meet with a counselor and basically talk about how much we hated being heavy.

The best part for me, and sadly a self-esteem booster, was the amount of children that were there with famous parents. I'm not going to name names, because that would be as bad as to giving you guys a list of people who were at an AA meeting, but trust me when I say, there were quite a few. And they were fat and their parents were movie stars and beautiful and all that jazz.

Needless to say, I really liked going. I loved hearing stories of tortured adolescent kids who were pressured far more than I was to keep up a certain image. And, of all things, I could relate to these kids. It's like one shares an automatic bond with a person that struggles with their weight. There was a bond that could not be broken between us, because we all struggled with the same issues, and that was nice. You couldn't keep me from NOT going to these meetings for they combined my love of famous people and talking about fatness...two loves that remain with me today.

Thinking about how, at that age, I was so eager to go to a place that would weigh me in every week and how NOT eager I am now to go to some sort of regular meetings makes me wonder about my own motivation. And, I have concluded that if famous fat people were at my local Weight Watchers meetings, I would go in a heart beat.

I'd even get there early.

The F Word

2006-08-10T10:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, after getting gas, I went through an alley that shares the same space as a Jack in the Box Drive-thru and their parking lot. While driving through this alley, I was unable to get to the street because a skinny girl in a sports car was blocking the exit trying to get in line for the JITB drive-thru. But, she couldn’t. A fat woman in an old Volvo wouldn’t let her in...and this pissed the girl off to no end. From what I’m guessing, the woman in the Volvo came after the woman in the sports car and didn’t extend the proper “zipper” courtesy, (one car goes from one side, then lets the other side, then the other side...and so on and so on). But, I guess this fat lady really wanted her burger, because she did not consent to the zipper rule, thus making the skinny girl in the sports car roll her window down and start a yelling match. Being the yenta I am, I turned my radio off and rolled down my window. I wanted to hear what was going to happen, and I’m so glad I did.

The moment I rolled my window down I heard the young, skinny girl call the Volvo lady FAT. Yes. She said it. She used the F word. And how did the fat lady respond? I’ll tell you:

“Did you just call me fat? Bitch, I can suck dick better than anyone in the world can.”

Yeah, I don’t get it either. I don’t know what being fat has to do with sucking dick better than most...maybe because we like to eat??? I don’t know. But, there really isn’t a good comeback when people call you fat. You can’t look at the person and deny it. What do you say?

My friend Beth weighs around 200lbs. She holds it really well though and I wouldn’t mind being stuck with her body for the rest of my life if I had to switch with her. And, here is the thing about Beth: she always gets called fat. It’s odd. Strange even. I’m much bigger than her, but no one ever really calls me fat to my face...behind my back, most likely, but never to my face. But Beth is a target. If she driving and cuts someone off by accident or doesn’t let a person into her lane, the fat bullets come whizzing at her. Once we were at a gas station and these group of girls from Beverly Hills High School were getting gas in front of us, Beth asked them to move their car because they were taking up two spots and we couldn’t get her car in to get gas. Their response? “Fuck you, you fat bitch”. This happens more often than not to her. And Beth really never has a witty comeback, because what are the witty comebacks for being called fat? There are none.

I go out of my way to avoid conflict so that no one will call me fat. I once had to lie to my old bosses wife about his whereabouts, (his demand, not mine), and that led her to yell such profanities at me that she sounded like she had Tourettes Syndrome. But, she never called me fat during her rant, and to this day, I’m still in shock over that. But, what would I have said back?

I have this feeling that the next time someone calls me fat, I’m just going to say something like, “Yeah, I am” or “ What about it?”

Is there any sort of good comeback when someone calls you fat?

The World As I See It

2006-08-08T14:43:00.000-07:00

The world is divided by two groups...those who love Ranch dressing, and those who prefer a Vinaigrette. Now, I'm not saying you can't like both, but from what I've seen, those are the two groups and no, one is not better than the other.

I'm going to make a generalization here, and I hope you will correct me if I'm wrong, but fat girls love Ranch dressing. They like it on salad, fries, burgers, chips, veggies, etc. And skinny girls like Vinaigrettes. They like it on lettuce, veggies, fish...yeah, that's it.

So, Fat = Ranch and Skinny = Vinaigrette???

I Will Be Their Rat!

2006-08-04T11:00:00.000-07:00

To further my ongoing game plan of trying everything and anything in this battle of the bulge, I will next try to become a lab rat. I will grow ears on my chest and toes on my hands in order to get in on this experiment. (Yes, ears on my chest...but no WLS yet for me!)

I read this article and feel it's letter writing time.

Dear Scientists at the Scripps Research Institute,

I'm Emily. I'm fat. I would not like to be so fat. I'm also not that afraid of needles. I'm also just a short drive down to you. Sign me up.

Love,

Emily
Los Angeles, California

Yes, I want to get vaccinated for obesity. If I could, I would like to wake up tomorrow morning and be thin. Yes, I know it doesn't work like that, but let's pretend.

If you could wake up tomorrow morning and be thin, would you? Because I would. Yeah, it would be scary and none of my clothes would fit, but I'm down for a shopping spree!

IT HAPPENED....FINALLLY

2006-08-01T11:33:00.000-07:00

So, it finally happened. Every fat girls worst nightmare. Lindsey and I have joked about this for years. Literally, years. I broke a scale.

Okay, so it's not like I stepped on a scale and the thing couldn't handle my robust weight, but still, it was broken by me and me alone. And July 26, 2006 will forever now be known as "The Day I Broke A Scale".

It was a loverly day here in good old Los Angeles. I woke up in a chipper mood ready to face the glorious day of work ahead of me. I had energy, I felt alive. I felt that it was time to use the free membership to the gym that my company so generously provides me with.

Now, this wasn't my first jaunt into working out. For many years I've joined and un-joined many a gym. I've had my fair share of personal trainers. But, those gyms always had such hard obstacles for me to overcome, such as getting into my car and driving there or leaving work and not going straight home to watch Gilmore Girls that I've tivo'd. But, this gym is at work, so it takes no effort for me to get there...and I like no effort.

So, with a gleeful feeling and hop in my step, I went to the gym, I put my tennis shoes (or sneakers) on, I even bought myself a water. And then, out of the corner of my eye I caught it: The Scale.

This scale wasn't one of the digital scales like I have at home. It was a real, bonafide, doctor's type of scale...you know, the kind that you have to move the weight over to find your well, weight. So, I did just that, sort of pre-setting it because I know what range I'm in. And then it happened, I stepped on the scale.

Now, I'm not so much a clumsy girl. Granted, I once broke my wrist walking UP a flight of stairs, but clumsy, not so much. But, when I placed my foot on the scale I didn't really realize that my entire foot was not on the scale, about 1/4 of my foot was, length wise, and this caused the base of the scale to sort of, to put it mildly, pop off and cause a weird noise to occur. The scale was broken.

Let's get this straight: My weight was not the cause of the breakage of the scale. Foot placement...or so I tell myself...is to blame.

Two days later I had a gym orientation with a trainer who, while giving me a tour of all the gym amenities, mentioned to me that the scale was, in fact, broken...but she wasn't quite sure how it happened.

Pumped to the Gorge

2006-07-26T09:11:00.000-07:00

I love a good trash magazine. My mother actually gets Star and The Enquirer because someone gave it to her as a present, so I get to read those when she's done. Anyone who has ever read these magazines knows they love to dish about celebrities bodies. Who is winning the war on fat? Who is losing? Their diet secrets. Their diet woes. I loves it. But, what I don't love are most of the celebrity bodies that are plastered all over these rag mags. They're, to put it mildly, sticks. I hate sticks. I hate no hips. I hate no bust. I hate tooth pick legs. Hate it, hate it, hate it.

Which leads me to this: I actually like my body shape. If I dropped a quick 100 lbs, I'd have a really awesome body shape. Right now, I still have an awesome body shape...it's just pumped to the gorge. If I were thin, I'd still have curves, I'd have really nice legs and hopefully, my boobs would stay as plump as they are. And thinking about that led me to be grateful about my body, because as I see everyday, I could have a body I wasn't so thrilled with, with all the extra fat layered on top.

We all know women have different body types: Pear shaped, Apple Bottom, Upside Down Triangle, etc. The possibilities are endless. It's quite interesting if you look closely. Women with stick legs and huge bellies. Women with small tops and large bottoms. Huge thighs and skinny calves. It makes me wonder.

What type of fat are you? Skinny fat? Fat fat? Pear Fat? Perfect fat? Triangle Fat? Would you rather have a huge ass and a small waist? Trade in good legs for arms you could actually wear a tank top with? Do share!

Yummy, Yummy, Yummy, I Got Love in My Tummy

2006-07-21T14:24:00.000-07:00

The thing I miss miss most since opting to cut off my cable is my access to The Food Network. I love the Food Network. It's so loyal and reliable. Sort of like a golden retriever. Only yummier.

And I guess that's really fat of me. But I have noticed that there is a direct correlation between how much I eat and how much Food Network I watch. During my last attempt at Weigh Watchers I could not stop watching the channel. I watched any and all shows even the ones I hate like Emeril. I think I may have even watched shows hosted by Sandra Lee and Giada De Laurentiis, two women I normally avoid with a passion! But while dieting I will watch anything to do with food. It's like I am simultaneously torturing and satisfying myself. When I stopped going to my WW meeting I didn't watch the Food Network for a month. I think I OD'd.

Normally I prefer the educational and travel shows to the actual cooking shows. Some of my favorites are A Cooks Tour, $40 A Day, and Good Eats. Sadly, A Cooks Tour is only on like once a week. And I used to hate Good Eats and refuse to watch it, but I have since seen the error of my ways. And $40 A Day is the only Rachael Ray show I can stand to watch. Probably because it's the only one in which she doesn't actually cook on. I know she is America's newest sweetheart and Oprah loves her cooking, but I once watched the woman cook something called a Mug Topper which is one of the most unappetizing thing I have even seen . It was basically spam mashed up with yellow mustard on an english muffin and floated on some soup. Maybe it's that I grew up in a ham free home, or maybe you just had to see how it turned out, but it was pure grossness. Emily and I use the term "mug topper" to refer to anyone we don't like or sometimes as an alternative to muffin top.

But I also have much love for my surrogate godmother and fake grandma Ina Garten and Paula Dean. These two women seem so inviting. Ina is really warm and cuddly and she seems like she has the most comfortable life. She lives in a pretty home in the Hamptons and has an awesome garden and has a line of credit in every store she goes into so it seems like she gets all of her ingredients for free. Personally I find her marriage to Jeffrey suspect, but Emily swears they are still in love. Emily has said, in a morbid fashion, that if she ever had a terminal illness and the Make a Wish Foundation asked what she wanted as her last, dying wish, she'd take a weekend with Ina. And Paula Dean seems like she would really usher you into her home and offer you butter muffins and a side of butter sprinkled with love and maybe some hot butter in a mug to drink by the fire. I am not even into that type of heavy southern food, but I love her all the same.

My favorite part about the Food Network is that they have programming that runs until 5 am which is a godsend for an insomniac like myself. The shows they play at that hour are pretty random and I miss some of he old ones that are out of rotation like Mings Quest.

I used to change the channel sometimes when my old flatmates came into my room, like they would suddenly realize I was fat if they saw me watching a cooking show. I wonder if anyone else feels the same way about the Food Network or if it's just indicative of my dysfunctional relationship with food.

And now for a rundown:

The Secret Life of...is a show that I should like more. I enjoy your premise, why are you such an over-actor? It's really had to watch you sometimes. You are like an adult with ADHD who is also pretending to be straight all while you fake orgasms over BBQ. And now you're on those Internet commercials. (C+)

Oh Sandra Lee. My favorite part about you is how you co-ordinate your wardrobe for the day with the colours in your kitchen. You change all your kitchen accessories to match your nails, headband and tight shirt. Oh, and you have great tits. But you always make the same drink and the same dessert? (C)

I love you Paula!!! Sometimes when I have a cold I wish I could call you up and have you take care of me with some chicken soup and southern charm. I bet you would do that for me! (A+)
You should be a favorite. I have a softspot for chunky red heads. But I am just not into Italian. (B)
Alton, you teach me things everyday! You are totally entertaining and I am sorry I shunned you for so long! You are one of my favorites! (A-)
I wish I had this job. (B+)

I love how you charm the older ladies while you teach them how to make sushi or a proper souffle. I could really use your help. Maybe you could come over some night next week? (B)

Ah, the patriarch. You might have the most notoriety, but shit man, get some new jokes! Sometimes I even like what you make but I have to watch on mute because you are so irritating and full of yourself. Bam! (C+)
So serene. So content. So pampered. Someday Ina, I will be like you. (A)The badboy. You were too surly for this channel, but I love you anyways. There is no way anyone else would eat a still beating snakes heart on television. Unless it was on like Survivor of Fear Factor. I love your new show on the Travel Channel, No Reservations. You are also really hot for an old guy! (A-)

I disagree with almost everything you order with your $40 a day, but I still love this show! Stay out of the kitchen, and I'll watch any city you take me to as we pretend that spending only $40 a day on food is a hard thing to do. (A-)
I love the garbage bowl idea. It's the food I hate. Stick with traveling and giggling. And for gods sake if you are going to abbreviate and say EVOO, why do you always have to say extra virgin olive oil after that? Doesn't that detract from the point of abbreviating?? (C)

Happy Anniversary to us!!!

2006-07-17T00:07:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been a whole year since we started to write about our fat lives. A year ago today I was living in a gross apartment in Chinatown sweating my ass off with no air conditioner and a bipolar flatmate who went off her meds. Now I am living in an awesome apartment which I may be giving up soon and I think I am having a quarter life crisis. And Emily ... well, Emily is still living in the lap of luxury in Los Angeles (but she has a new job!). And I am sure we have both gained a few pounds. What a difference a year makes! Thanks to everyone who reads our musings. Now go eat some cake.

"Cake light is like, the best light. We should live in nothing but cake light." - Claire from Six Feet Under

Poor Princess Jasmine

2006-07-15T13:00:00.000-07:00

Many of you know that I recently quit my job in order to take another one at a very prestigious institution. I used to work with 6 other men, ages ranging from early 30s to mid 50s. I got that job because I used to work for the president's wife while I was still in school. She was, to put it mildly, a raging bitch. I've read The Devil Wears Prada...I had stories that rivaled even those. So, when the program that we ran ended, she suggested that I go work for her husband, a spineless yet mostly harmless guy who arguably doesn't deserve to be married to such a psychotic bitch. I'm not being out of line when I say that...she's a self admitted psychotic bitch.

I worked for her husband for 3 years, but I needed more. The money was good and the atmosphere was great, but it didn't challenge me and there was little room to move up. So, I sent a resume to a job I thought I would never get, and actually was offered the position. Three weeks later I left and a new girl, Jasmine (but I like to call her Yasmine), was hired to take my place.

Yasmine was hired because she wanted to actually get into the business my old company does. She thought she could do my job while also learning the trade. She also thought she could wear see-through clothes and tight jeans that would expose her thong. "Everything but the nipples" is what I heard through the grape vine.

I still keep in touch with the boys at the old office, often emailing to see what the gossip is for that week. I also got to meet Yasmine when I went in to train her on one of my many, paid days that I don't have to work. She was nice, if not a little naive about her roll in the office. If anyone knows anything at that office it's this: My old boss may be the CEO and President of the company, but his wife, the PB (psychotic bitch), was the God of it. What she said, went. What she wants, goes. Did I also mention that she thinks her husband is forever going to have an affair? (He never has).

Emails from me to my old co-workers would often joke about the fact that when the PB, who had never met Yasmine, found out what she wore to the office, she would be fired in an instant. The office pool had a three hour termination time after she had met her. We were convinced that even if she just heard about this girl, sparks would fly. We knew she wouldn't last 3 weeks there...and she didn't.

Yesterday I got word that she was, indeed, let go at the request of the PB after many fights heard through my old bosses closed office doors. We all knew it was going to happen, but this poor girl Yasmine never saw it coming. Not only was I offered my old job back, but I was offered a considerable raise. No, I'm not going back.

The whole thing got me thinking though. Am I so safe? Three years ago, did the PB see me as such a non-threat that she placed me in that office knowing that she could rest comfortably knowing her husband wouldn't have an affair with me? I guess so. And, I guess Yasmine was too much of a threat.

I feel bad for Yasmine. She quit a comparably paying job with better benefits to work there and got fired three weeks later for wearing revealing clothes or for making the PB worry that her husband was going to engage in an illicit office affair. I'm not a huge fan of Yasmine's but it does seem like she got fired because she had a nice body and liked to show it off. They could have asked her dress down a bit.

And the worst part is how everyone acknowledges it, and then suggests that I take my old job back. It's basically like, "Emily, can you believe Yasmine got fired for being attractive? We never had to worry about that with you, why don't you come back to us"? I mean, how rude is that? And it's not like I'm ugly...just fat. Plus, to be perfectly honest, PB has no idea how life works if she thinks that the boys in the office didn't want to fuck me just because I am fat. I had more than a few offers and daily innuendos.

It's the only time I can remember that being overweight was actually mildly helpful while poor Princess Jasmine's perfect body got her a pink slip.

I double hot dog dare you...

2006-07-12T21:31:00.000-07:00

I have stayed out of this debate because I enjoy hearing different perspectives ... even if most of them are written by cruel stupid misogynists. (Plus you guys have upped our daily readership by 300 people an hour, and I am a site meter whore, so it was fun having you).

However, if you are going to come onto this blog and talk shit: YOU HAVE TO READ OUR POSTS AND GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT BEFORE YOU BASH US!!!!

This is just fucking inaccurate (and fairly representative of the Tucker Max people's opinions):

Anonymous said... "All the fat people that have been posting are missing the point. The TMMB people are not pissed at you because you are fat. They (at least the majority), as well as myself, are mainly disgusted with the misinformation propagated so wholeheartedly by this website. Everyone deserves respect, fat people included. HOWEVER, it is a very well known and obvious fact that being fact is a health risk (which is why fat people are naturally more unattractive...evolutionary instincts within us all). A fat person that wants to lose weight might instead come to a site like this loaded with feel-goodisms for fatties and links to old/quack studies about losing weight being impossible.IT IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE. To the creators of this site, I dare you this. Since your mainfesto has come under a barrage of attacks (justified ones too -- evidenced because your fat supporters have been the ones resorting to the childish and inane arguments), take on a challenge to prove it. For a month, eat and exercise properly, and see how your "genetics" arguments fall apart. Any trainer (there are some extremely good ones on the TMMB) or decent nutrition website can guide you. Then post your results here for your entire fat community to see. "

Now, if you had bothered to read any of our hundreds of posts you would find that we do not engage in the propagation of misinformation. (I invite you to refute me with something we actually wrote, as opposed to our commenters).

We acknowledge that we would lose weight if we exercised more and ate less. Personally, I think that is true for most fat people. I also think it's true that most people end up gaining the weight back. I don't think we have ever even mentioned genetics.

No. We do not like being fat. And when we motivate ourselves, we will know what to do to lose weight. But if and when I lose weight had nothing to do with you, and you shouldn't feel morally superior to me because you are thin (and statistically, I'm sure a bunch of you are closeted fatties hidden by your computer screen and an avatar of a bodybuilder).

Some people who regularly comment here feel differently, but that's what a comment section is for: leaving your opinion.

The people on Tucker Max may all feel like they have to espouse Tuckerisms to be accepted into his online society, but he most likely thinks many of you are idiots and laughs that he can make money because you subscribe to his blatantly offensive way of life.

So, keep hating fatties if you want. I couldn't care less. But don't misrepresent us or make assumptions because you can't make your point without changing facts around or you couldn't be bothered to read a whole post...that's called lying and even Tucker doesn't like that.

Our love for new readers is broader than our asses

2006-07-12T09:01:00.000-07:00

So, it seems like one of our readers decided to post a little diddy about us on a website called Tucker Max. I actually used to read Tucker Max while at work some two years ago...then I sort of grew bored of it and haven't been back since. The thing about him is, he's a self proclaimed asshole. I'm sure he's nice to some girls (like models), but mean to most when provoked. He's the type of guy to only "Do 10's". He hates fat girls...I'm sure you know the type. Most 14 year old's probably think he's a God.

So, this reader of ours "Jessica" put up our website on his message board saying all kinds of lovely about us...how we demand empathy and whatnot and how gross it is that we say the things we say about our fatness. Thanks Jessica...you're a peach. Wish we had 12 just like ya.

So, you can visit the site and see all the things that guys who haven't been laid in years are saying about us horrible fat chicks...it's utterly amazing.

Do we sound like 35 year old's with moldy boobs and elastic waists hiked over our bellies? Because that's the impression they have of us. We're fucking funny dammit! Have some respect for humor.

I think we should inundate their site with fatties...you know, because they can't get enough of us. Let's give them some fat coodies.

Viva La Fatties!

Disagree to Agree

2006-07-10T22:14:00.000-07:00

The possibility of Lindsey having her innards surgically rearranged to induce weight loss has been a topic of contention between us lately. First Lindsey wrote a post about why she is considering weight loss surgery and how strange it is that only her thin friends support it. Emily then wrote a post about why she is not in favor of WLS. Enjoy and let us know what you think...

Point: By Lindsey

I found something out recently about the people in my life--->only my thin friends and relatives are supportive about the possibility of me having weight loss surgery. To be perfectly blunt I really don't care what anybodies opinion on the matter really is because whether or not I decide to have any form of surgery is such a personal decision that ultimately it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. But what I do find interesting are the reactions I have gotten when I broach the topic. They range from the extremes of "I'll stop being your friend" to "That sounds like it could be amazing for you and I'll support anything you decide to do". And for the most part the reactions fall in line with how large the person I am taking to is.

You might think that the more overweight the person is, the more supportive they would be, but the opposite is true. My chubby, fat, obese friends have mostly expressed shock, scorn, and disappointment that I would ever consider "the easy way out". While my thin friends all think it would change my life for the better.

Why is that? It could be jealousy about the possibility of me losing weight while they remain the same. It could be fear that I would somehow change my personality, and consequently our relationship dynamic. It could be that they think I am judging their size because I am choosing to alter mine. Maybe my thin friends couldn't imagine life as a fat person and to them a surgery where there is a 1/200 chance of death seems like a reasonable alternative to being fat.

Emily, the surprise optimist, has threatened to cancel our friendship (editors note from Emily, this is a lie) if I get this surgery because she doesn't think that I have done everything in power to lose weight the natural way. She thinks the reason we are fat is because we have deep seated psychological issues which we should deal with with a shrink, Overeaters Anonymous, and a nutritionist before I even consider surgery. Do I eat too much because my daddy yelled at me? Because Melissa and Stacy were mean to be in 3rd grade? Because I secretly don't think I'm worthy of happiness? Because I'm scared to find out what else is wrong with me under the layers of fat? Maybe so. Personally I think everyone I know should be in a therapists office twice a week, me included, but I am sick of waiting for the "Aha!" moment where the light goes off and I can trace my food issues to a particular moment in September 1986 and from then on I make that ever illusive lifestyle change and suddenly drop 150 lbs. The thing is that Emily and I have been having the "why not just do it" talk for the last 10 years. And yet we never seem to do it. At least not permanently. I am ready to take a radical step for change. I want some results before any more of my 20's fly by be. Emily is still waiting for something, convinced that one day she will figure her shit out. I support her decision entirely, and I don't think she is crazy or wrong. The question is why is she threatening to cut me out of her life if I take a different path?

I think it is because fat people are beaten over the head with the fact that being fat is a character flaw, a sign of weakness, and so to have surgery and lose the weight that way is giving up and admitting that you can't control your own body without outside help, and thus having lost the weight you cannot proclaim to the world that you have honesty conquered your flaw, but instead you gave up and had a surgeon do it for you.

Think what you want, I think that's bullshit. Most people will lose weight with a restrictive diet and exercise. I am no different. I have dieted and exercised away 100 lbs on a few separate occasions. I know I can do it. I also know that I will gain it back. Does that say that I have no will power and am a weak person? Most people would say it does, but I refuse to see fatness as a character flaw because I am a good person, and hell, Hitler was a health nut. But I do need some extra help attaining and maintaining a BMI that this society puts so much emphasis on. And I am not considering surgery simply to look good at the beach, I am considering it because I feel like shit at the weight I am and I don't want to lose the weight only to regain it again.

What I think surgery offers is a fail safe, an internal check and balance system which guarantees that I can't eat too much of the wrong food which in turn will motivate me to exercise. Because I don't think surgery is the easy way out. I think for me it's like a step in AA where I admit that I have a problem, and that I need more than a little bit of help. I am not a naive or stupid person. I don't think that by having surgery all my issues with food or weight will be resolved. I actually think the opposite, that with the surgery my issues with food and weight will come to the surface, forcing me to deal with them or regain the weight. But I would rather me dealing with those issues as a size 12 than at a size 22. Once you've had the surgery you still need to keep a strict diet and exercise. If having a four hour surgery where my internal organs are rearranged is the easy way out, then I say bring it on...

Semi Counter Point: By Emily

Weight Loss Surgery doesn't bother me. I'm not against it, nor would I ever rule it out for myself. But, in this age of microwaves and Internet access, I think people rush into things without exhausting their other options, looking for what works at the speed of light. People have lost all patience. And to me, weight loss is nothing but two things: an understanding and patience.

Results don't happen over night. We need to deal with this fact. Instead, we choose to ignore it and repeat nasty cycles. And then we get frustrated and then we turn to weight loss surgery.
This is the way I see it: Weight loss surgery and dieting are the same thing, that's a given. A restriction of caloric intake and a proper exercise plan will result in weight loss. It's just the way things are. When one chooses to have weight loss surgery, it's easier for them to restrict their diet because they can only take in so much food. It's recommended that they exercise and not surprisingly, the combination of the two cause a person to lose weight. Same happens for old fashioned dieting. Neither is easy. Weight loss surgery isn't an easy way out. Does it make it easier? Yes. Easy way out? No.

This is the thing that always gets me though, the psychology part of it. I feel that no one brings up that fat people all have a common thread...the addiction aspect of food. No one ever seems to bring up the fact that more than not, the reason we're like this is because we have an unhealthy relationship with food. We have an addiction and before we decide to lose this weight and change our lives, we need to understand the root of this evil.

I know that if I had WLS tomorrow I would, at first, have a rapid weight loss. I would feel that I was in a groove and I might, for a while, take better care of myself. I would exercise a bit. I would choose healthier foods and then my weight would level off and I would start my normal diet routine...I would stop trying so hard. And the weight would creep back on and I would return to old habits of not eating at the proper times of day, letting myself get way too hungry, starving myself to only binge later. And I would do this because I skipped Step 1 and moved right onto Step 2.

I also know that if I started a strict diet tomorrow I would, for a couple of months. have a healthy, steady weight loss. I would exercise and eat balanced, well proportioned meals. And then the weight loss would start to level off and I would get frustrated and I would start to revert back to my old habits.

So, what has to happen first? I need to understand my issues with food. I need to understand what triggers me to eat the way I do when I'm not doing so hot. I need to recover from my addiction. Horse in front of the cart people.

The Wheels on the Bus...Better Support Me

2006-07-07T08:41:00.000-07:00

I started my new job not two weeks ago and I love it. It's cultural, it's sort of important (to those who need my services), and I've got the best views the city can offer...it's also on top of a ginormous hill. And, because of that ginormous hill, almost all employees are made to park their cars at the bottom of this hill, and take a shuttle up to the tippity top. Not so much a big deal...if you're skinny.

The shuttle holds about 20 people, two rows of two seats each. When I get a seat all to myself, it's awesome. What is not so awesome is the look on people's faces when I climb the three steps to get on the shuttle and find that I'm going to have to sit next to someone. I can hear the voices in their heads wishing that the fat girl doesn't sit next to them...and I'm wishing concurrently that I don't have to sit next to them. It's uncomfortable...my ass hangs into the isle. I try my best not to touch the person as a way of saying, "See...see, it's not so bad..I'm not that big...see!?" But what is really going on is my leg supporting all my weight like a tripod of some sort so I don't knock into the person on a turn driving up or down the curvy road.

And it works in reverse too. If I'm the one sitting there already, I can see the person scanning the shuttle for a space next to the skinniest person...no one has ever chosen to sit next to me...not that I'm complaining.

So, this is my plight. Fat girls and busy shuttles don't mix.

The Fat Girl Flea Market!!!

2006-07-02T22:52:00.000-07:00

We here at Fatty McB spend a good deal of time complaining and whining about the lack of selection and availability of fat girl clothes. But now, in the spirit of sharing, we present to you the greatest event New York City has to offer in July: The Fat Girl Flea Market. For two days in lower Manhattan fat girls have a chance to buy clothes (both new and used) at very reasonable prices. Sure, we wish this was a permanent thing, and that fat girls had more opportunity to buy clothes year round at a wider range of stores with varying styles and longer shirts, but this is still an awesome idea. And while I have technically never been to the Fat Girl Flea Market, I am fascinated with the idea and I will make the utmost effort to attend this year, as should you all. Next step: Barney's warehouse sale plus size edition! Come one, come all. It's on!

Counter-Coulter

2006-06-28T16:50:00.000-07:00

I wanted to start off with, "Ann Coulter is a cunt", but that just doesn't seem right. "Anne Coulter is a psychotic manipulative bitch". Ehhh, that has no oomph. Plus, its not fair to cunts or bitches. So: Ann Coulter is what's wrong with America. Perfect.

Coulter angers me to the point where I can't keep my mouth shut, even if I'm by myself, prompting me to yell at the TV set or magazine article. I basically think everything she says and stands for is part of the faux Republican sound byte machine, and that none of it really makes sense if you think about it logically. She loves pissing people off, and the fact that I am even writing this about her would probably make her smile. Or neigh. Whatever horsey pundits to when they are pleased.

In case you are not familiar with her, some of her notable quotes are:

- "My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building."
- "It would be a much better country if women did not vote. That is simply a fact. In fact, in every presidential election since 1950 - except Goldwater in '64 - the Republican would have won, if only the men had voted."
- "Frankly, I'm not a big fan of the First Amendment."
- "God gave us the earth. We have dominion over the plants, the animals, the trees. God said, 'Earth is yours. Take it. Rape it. It's yours.'"
- "There are a lot of bad Republicans; there are no good Democrats."

Those are just a few of my favorites. And, yes, she really said them.

And it's not that I have anything at all against a strong, outspoken, controversial woman. Even if she is a staunch Republican who throws the word liberal around like it's a code word for Nazi. I just can't stand that everything she stands for and makes her money from is protected by the civil liberties she would see thrown to the wayside. How can this woman hate the First Amendment?

I detest almost everything she stands for, and yet, I had no reason to write about her on this blog until I realized she vilifies fatties along with liberals, Arabs, gays, women, and immigrants.

First, she managed to insult arguably the most well know chubby Jewish woman of the last 15 years by saying that it makes sense to liberals that, "President Clinton saved the Constitution by repeatedly ejaculating on a fat Jewish girl in the Oval Office". First of all, Clinton saved the Constitution by cigaring Monica? How did he do that? It doesn't make sense to this liberal. And what does fat or Jewish have to do with her point in that comment? Why did she even have to mention Monica's size? Does it somehow make it worse that Monica was over a size 12 when she lifted the married Presidents spirits inside the oval office? It sounds like if Monica had been a svelte shiksa, Coulter would have been less offended that the President was cheating on his wife. But Coulter just had to add that Monica was fat AND Jewish. The nerve of the President to have such bad taste: A fatty and a semite!

And then I read that Coulter thinks, "[The] backbone of the Democratic Party [is a] typical fat, implacable welfare recipient". That just perpetuates the myth that the poor are fat and lazy (and therefore democratic?). America is fat, not just liberals. And, again, I must ask what including the word Fat added to her inane comment.

I also have to add that Coulter capitalizes on her thin blond looks by wearing the miniest of skirts and posing for almost scandalous photo shoots. There are rumors on the Internet that she is bulimic or anorexic. I don't know if those rumors have any truth to them, but since I doubt anyone would listen to her or read her book if she were overweight, maybe she vilifies fatties because she knows her pathetic career would be over if she ever gained weight.

But then again as a fat, Jewish, voting, pro-choice, queer friendly, feminist, liberal, pacifist I am glad that the First Amendment protects Coulter's freedom of ridiculous speech. Because if she were put in an equine insane asylum like she deserves, who would remind me that Ann Coulter is what's wrong with America, and not fatties (or liberals).

No, Never Ever...Don't You Even Think It!

2006-06-26T20:26:00.000-07:00

When you're single, it's always hard when your best friend finds love. Sure, we're happy our friends have found a bit of happiness, but we're also, (come on...face it) pissed off. It's a scary mixture of jealousy, fear, and anger that can make you, an overall happy person, not so damn perky. And I am no stranger to this feeling. Actually, being the fat friend often leaves you the third, over-sized wheel on a bicycle built for two. I'm sure all girls have gone through this, regardless of their size, but for me, a fat girl, it seems like it would be harder because us fat girls have been taught from an early age that skinny girls get the boys and fat girls don't. I'm not saying this is Gospel or 100% factual, because it's not...but it sure feels that way a lot of the time.

Case in point: Laura (Previously mentioned skinny friend who obsesses about her tinykiness)

Laura has a boyfriend. Laura met this boyfriend about 3 years ago when I, too, was seeing someone. I was all for meeting this new boyfriend of hers. It would have been the first time we were both in relationships concurently. We could double date! But we never actually got to meet. As fast as her relationship soared, mine drowned. And I went into a "I hate men" phase that, if you haven't noticed, I'm still basically in.

Laura would come over and talk about her new boyfriend while I stewed in misery, but I'd still meet this guy...I had nothing against him...yet.

One day Laura went on a diatribe while discussing her weight. I usually tune this BS out because it's not that interesting and pretty offensive, but I heard her say something that put me in shock...she told me that her "super hot" boyfriend told her to never get fat. He had recently told her that her ass looked big and that she should never get pregnant because she'd get fat and how horrible that would be.

I had heard enough.

So, it's been almost three years and I have never met this boy. I refuse. I know, I sound crazy, but I can't help myself. I know this guy hates fat girls and while Laura puts up the fight that:

1. He really doesn't
and
2. He's seen pictures of me...he knows I'm fat, so what's the difference?

I still won't do it. It's not like going out in public where everyone might hate fat people but it's okay out in the world because thankfully, we can't hear the voices in others heads, (at least I hope not). This is hatred that I know about. It's a judgement that I can actually feel because I know it's there. And I won't put myself through that. Because it's okay for me to judge myself and hate myself for being fat...but, it's not okay for him to.

Oh yes, there were bikinis

2006-06-19T07:00:00.000-07:00

I meant to write this post a few weeks ago, right after it aired, but I forgot. And being as I don't have tivo, I have to write this from memory (which, sadly, is pretty shot), but here goes...

The Learning Channel aired a show called Welcome To Fatland (which incidentally could be the title of my biography) that fits in well with their obese repertoire of the 600 lb Woman and The Half Ton Man. It made a lovely three hour block of shows dealing with really fat people, and it was a pretty damned good lineup of tv'ing for me. If you missed it, worry not, TLC tends to rerun shows constantly.

Welcome to Fatland was about five fat British people who are sent to a resort in Mexico that caters to really fat people. It has beds, showers, hammocks, and lounge chairs which are built for very large bodies. I suppose that is all well and good, but if I was going to a resort for fat people, the size of the beds and hammocks would not be the main draw. I mean, I am fat, but the size of beds and showers are the least of my concerns...I would want to be in a resort where the majority of people were fat (preferably fatter than I am) with fat employees. One of the things that bothered me about the resort, called Freedom Paradise, is that the show made it seem like the only fat people there were the British people brought there for the show! I think it's a great idea, but for it to work, there would have to be some actual fat people there. Incidentally, the website for Freedom Paradise makes little or no mention of their fat friendly ways, so if you are planning a vacation or honeymoon, read this synopsis for some basic information.

The British people are brought to the resort, and are told that they are going to be engaging in some size acceptance workshops where they can work on their self-esteem in between deciding whether or not to wear a bathing suit to the pool. And that's when things got interesting.

Along came Marilyn Wann, author of Fat?So!, a well known activist in the fat community, and their size acceptance coach. Marilyn entered the picture wearing a furry fuchsia boa type thing wrapped around her neck (disregarding the fact that she was in sunny Cancun), and before anything happened, I knew the turn the show was going to take. The five British people were very...er...British. Marilyn was like the epitome of what people hate about Americans. She was loud, fat, brash, embarrassing, and just sort of out there. It might as well have been a show about clashing cultures.

Marilyn proceeded to try to make the fat Brits feel better about their fat by alternately singing, screaming, "flirting", body painting, and synchronized swimming. Yeah, I don't know how Marilyn came to settle on that itinerary, but it was sort of disastrous. The Brits rebelled for the most part, Marilyn got her feelings hurt, and there did not seem to be that much learning or teaching or accepting happening. I mean, I think I get what she was trying to do, but in my opinion the best way to empower people about their size is not to embarrass the shit out of them. I felt bad for Marilyn, and it was almost painful to watch at some points. The British folks sort of sucked and had generally bad attitudes, with the exception of the young virgin cab driver who seemed really sweet and earnest, and did seem to grow as a person due to the experience at Fatland.

For me, the most poignant moment came towards the end when one of the women asks Marilyn if she would chose to be thin if the option were presented to her. After a pregnant pause, Marilyn says no. The girl later tells the camera that she doesn't believe Marilyn. I know that Marilyn's identity and livelihood are based around her large size, and that she accepts and embraces her fatness more than most people, but her answer did not seem very convincing to me either. Maybe some of our readers watched this program and can give me their interpretation of this encounter.

All in all, the resort seems like an awesome idea, but it needs some more of the millions of fat Americans I keep hearing about to help it come to fruition. Marilyn needs to reconsider her approach if she wants to actually reach the people she is trying to help. And 4 out of the 5 British people need to remove the sticks from their up their arses. And I learned something about myself...I will watch/read anything that centers around fat people. Even if it sort of sucks. Even if it makes me uncomfortable.

Moving On...

2006-06-16T09:43:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I like to play a little game with myself called: "Can I fit through that?". It's usually me walking and seeing some sort of barrier that I'd like to squeeze through, but I must always ask myself, "Can I fit through that?" It's a great game to play when you are feeling frisky and curious like a kitty. But sometimes, it ends dangerously and usually involves me scraping some part of my body that bruises easily because I'm anemic, (for some reason, I'm always shocked that I'm anemic because I'm fat, seems that with all I eat, I should be getting enough iron). But, back to my game.

I play "Can I fit through that?" when I'm getting out of my car and the car next to me is too close, so as to not bang the car next to me, I have to maneuver like a snake. I also play it when someone is blocking a doorway and I have to find somehow to slither by without grazing them. I especially dislike playing this game with others. It's not fun to walk with a relatively skinny person and have them glide through two objects only to leave you doing that thing where you suck your gut in and contort your body in such an odd manner it makes your face go into funny shapes and whatnot. I hate that. But yesterday, I played the ultimate game of "Can I fit through that?", and sadly, I lost, badly.

While walking to my car from work I decided to take a short cut I've never taken before in all of my years here. And, if I learned anything from it, it's confirmed my belief that change is not always a good thing. While trying to get through between stairs and mid-height pole, I somehow misjudged my circumference, and in doing so, scraped the hell-o operator out of my back leaving me beat up and bruised. It was the kind of pain that left me wondering if I'd ever be able to breath again. If you saw the bruise, you would have thought someone beat me with Hotwheels tracks. Not a pretty sight.

Stairwell/mid height pole: 1
Emily: 0

I'm not taking this defeat lightly!

Stuart Little

2006-06-14T14:09:00.000-07:00

After reading through the mediocre posting I wrote about the Wide World of Hogging, I decided to revisit the website of the last guy I was with who made me feel hogged.

Now, to put this into context, this is a guy who I have slept with a few times and who, after the last time made it quite clear to me that even though the sex was (quite) enjoyable, I might want to keep looking if what I wanted was a regular "thing", and the unspecified reason was, well, because I am fat.

He was always really nice to me while we were together. This wasn't one of those hogging experiences where he degraded me and called me fat to my face because, even though I have low self-esteem, I have a pretty high self worth. A strange mixture to be sure, but I do that I am pretty damned awesome in a multitude of areas, just not the one area (weight) which seems be the end all be all for the worth a woman in some people's eyes.

I am pretty sure I made him feel self conscious about his own meager weight gain since the last time we had slept together. I think I made a comment about how his new belly was really fucking hot, and I could tell instantly that it was a mistake to say it and that if I (a lowly fat girl) was commenting about it, then he had better do something about it.

Now, I do not normally visit his blog. It bores me, it's contrived and has a feeling of superiority that I feel is unwarranted. Not to mention that some of it is poetry which good or bad I always hate. But, because of the hogging article I checked in on his blog and lo and behold the latest entry was about weight - his new slim frame and that of a fat girl at his gym whom he has labeled "A train".

I have a nagging suspicion that it was my comment to him that was the last straw which made him get his ass to the gym. And for some reason I think that's really funny. Crunch gym should hire me to stand outside and call people fat - I am apparently an awesome catalyst to motivate people to go to the gym!

I think I am really bitter about the way he treated me - maybe it's just that he was really good on paper - hot, semi-interesting, at least half Jewish, and good in bed. And if I wasn't so fat, we could have ended up differently. Or not. I do know that he is a supreme narcissist and has some issues of his own and that I tend to blame all of my problems on weight, but seriously...am I that awful that I am unworthy to be anything but a hog?

And why do I still want to sleep with him?

He looks way hotter with some weight to him. Oh well.

Hogzilla!

2006-06-12T15:55:00.000-07:00

Emily sent me an email today Subject: Enjoy! with a link to this article. I would suggest you read or at least skim it before reading this post. The basis of the article is a practice of certain men in Cleveland(?) called "hogging" or "sweat-hogging" which basically boils down to men who go to bars and find "desperate fat girls" to give them head in the parking lot, or take home to have sex with only to leave as quickly and quietly as they can in the morning because to them fat girls are not worthy of a morning after.

Most of the article is pretty disgusting and disturbing, and the only thing that makes me feel slightly better about it is that the men interviewed seem like caricatures of men who I would never like to meet anyways: beer guzzling yokels who have bad grammar and missing teeth and probably value the 2nd amendment over our other civil liberties.

The article provides such lovely images as tricking a fat girl to come over and have sex with you as your friends hide out in the closet and giggle as you mount her doggy style and ask her to call you Mr. President, to which she obliges because she is so fat and lonely and pathetic that she is grateful for any kind of physical attention from a man.

Hogging is made out to be some sort of underground tradition, a boys club type of activity that is passed from generation to generation, something you do to boost you self esteem or because you don't want to go home alone.

While I have no basis on which to make this claim, I think that the actual act of "hogging" is not a widespread phenomenon as a conscience activity. I doubt many men end the night thinking, "It's almost closing time, time to go hogging!". Yet, I can't help but feel that many of the cruel and humiliating activities that the hoggers do is an exaggerated example of the way many men feel about sleeping fat women.

I think what made me so sad about it was that they would use tactics like being mean and degrading to the girl, to actually get the girl. The fact that a girl would go home with the guy after he repeatedly put her down speaks volumes about how sad some fat girls act and feel about themselves. I cannot help but wonder what triggers a larger girl to go home with such a guy and uphold the stereotype that fat girls will take it when they can.

I know that many of our readers seem to have had a different experience with men then I do, but I find that (some? most?) men:

1. Might sleep with a fat girl but;
2. Won't be seen with a fat girl in public and will most certainly not;
3. Tell his friends that he has been with a fat girl.
4. View fat girls as easy prey and expect her to be thankful for opportunity to suck a mans dick.
5. Will enjoy or even prefer sex with a fat girl but won't admit it to himself or others.
6. Will leave before it could even be considered morning.
7. Many won't even view fat women as actual women but as large objects of ridicule.

Hogging is obviously gross and demeaning, but at least they are somewhat honest with themselves. Maybe it's just my current state of mind, but after reading this article, I can't help but wonder if most sexual encounters I have had could properly fall under the category of hogging...and yes, that does say something about the men I have been with.

Or is hogging just a frat boy way of rationalizing the fact that he went home with an overweight girl because the skinny ones wouldn't give him the time of day?

Sibling Flabory

2006-06-06T14:39:00.000-07:00

I came across this article in the LA Times today and I wanted to share it with all of you. I have some opinions on it and I wanted to get your feedback. The article was about two morbidly obese siblings, a brother and a sister, who each choose to have the lap band surgery. The article describes their journey and compares their weigh loss success.

Something really bothered me about this article though and I think it had to do with the fact that they point out so many times that the brother had lost a lot more weight than the sister because his diet was more militant than hers. While he stuck to proteins and veggies, she would indulge in her cravings and therefore, lost her weight more slowly. The brother worked out at a gym everyday while the sister tried her best to not talk herself out of walking on the treadmill for 10 minutes a day. The brother was married with children while the sister was single.

Maybe I felt so strongly about the article because of the brother/sister dynamic. I have an older brother myself, but he's not fat. Actually, he's a perfect. 6'1, 195lbs. And, I think it's always been a strange dynamic between the two of us. He's always so in control of his weight and diet (I see how he restricts himself), that it makes me wonder what he thinks of me. I know that siblings are different creatures...but I find it so strange that one can possess so much control while the other one, well, has no control.

Does anyone else deal with sibling rivalry in terms of weight?

So I'm Mean. Wanna Fight About It?

2006-06-01T16:41:00.000-07:00

Everyones favorite tall skinny girl Laura made my day and didn't even realize it. I know I comment on her a lot on this blog, and while she doesn't know I actually have a blog, I think the ribbing is fine. (Get it? Ribbing! Because I can see her ribs!).

Laura, for those of you who don't know, is my 5'11, 125lb., friend who drives me crazy on a daily basis because she complains how fat she is and how she shouldn't have put non fat milk in her coffee because, "it's really just a waste of calories." Why am I friends with her? Not sure, refer to previous posts.

So, Laura made my day when she emailed me pictures of her mother when she was our age. And guess what? She looked just like Laura! And guess what else? She don't look like that any mo! She's fat now. And guess what that means? Laura's got nowhere to go but UP!

I can just imagine it now. Laura and I when we're 60 years old...me either bed ridden or normal looking, depending on how my life actually turns up and Laura...FAT! I almost want to invest in a time machine so I can make this happen pronto!

I emailed Laura back saying something fake like, "Oh, wow, you guys are like twins!" When really I wanted to scream from the roof tops:

"You're totally going to be a fat ass like me! HAhahahahaha"

The Famous Bowls!

2006-05-28T20:33:00.000-07:00

I prefer to eat at home as apposed to eating out in a restaurant. I know that many fat people feel similarly. In my case, it's not simply because I am a fat girl and I hate when people watch me eat because I feel constantly judged, but because the way I eat is peculiar and complex and I can execute the act of eating in a more precise way when I am at home eating alone.

In one of our first posts Emily wrote about the art of preparation. She wrote, "Lindsey says I do an excellent job, but I feel she is far superior to me. She takes her time, gets things set up in perfect order, and has precise execution. It's a dance if you ask me. Preparing our food is a time honored tradition. I'm not talking about the actually preparation of the food, the cooking, the cleaning...I'm talking about preparation after the preparation.Take sushi for example. Sushi takes a lot of preparation because the ratio of food to sides is high. Sushi has the soy sauce, the eel sauce, the incredibly amazing spicy mayo and the ginger. Each of these sides must take their place in an assembly line of goodness. Same goes with any feast that includes sauces. Sauces are of most importance. Fries, sandwiches, salads, etc., all need sauces, different sauces, combined sauces, sauces, sauces, sauces. Some sauces are dressings, some are dipping, but all are sauces and all make or break a meal."

I couldn't have put it better myself!

I went out to dinner twice in the past week with friends, and while I love my friends, I know I would have enjoyed the actual meals more if I had eaten them at home. I feel really self-conscious preparing my food in a restaurant, yet I know that my meal tastes better if I take the time to create the perfect bite with the right amount of sauce, meat, carb, veggie, etc.

Which brings me to my point: KFC, a restaurant I loathe and would never eat at has created a genius product...The Famous Bowl. Now, I basically dislike KFC with as much passion as one can muster against a second tier fast food restaurant. Yes, I have a reason, but believe me that's an entirely different post. In general, I don't eat fast food (maybe once every few years), but I still have to give a shout out to my new obsession which I will never try, The Famous Bowl.

The Famous Bowl is, "Freshly prepared with layers of your KFC favorites - a generous serving of our creamy mashed potatoes, sweet kernel corn, bite size pieces of all-white meat crispy chicken, topped with our homestyle gravy and 3-cheese blend. All the KFC favorites you know and love served in a convenient easy-to-eat bowl"!

It's like KFC packaged the way I eat and is selling it to the general public. Their layered bowl of goodness is basically designed to allow one to create the perfect bite with minimal preparation! So, kudos to you KFC, you've won this round!

Just Wondering...

2006-05-25T19:13:00.000-07:00

A few questions for our readers:

1) Who is our fan in Dubai? You check on our blog a few times a week, and I really want to know who you are and how you found our site. Are there many fat people or fatty lovers in Dubai?

2) Why do people keep finding us by googling "Are bananas fatty?" Answer: NO! Why do so many people wonder about that? Is the American educational system in such disrepare that we don't know that bananas are a nutritious food???

3) If you hate fat people, why do you read this blog?

4) How many of you are fat or overweight?

5) Are any of our readers men?

6) How many of you have had the duodenal switch surgery?

7) Are there any topics you wish we would write a post about?

If any of you are interested in answering any of these questions, feel free to leave a comment in the comment section or email us.

Lindsey Called Me Fat!

2006-05-24T13:35:00.000-07:00

I've been looking for a new job for quite some time. And when an exceptional offer came my way, I knew I had to take it. But, it's hard. I've been at my current job over 3 years. I love the people here and I do basically no work at all. But, Baby Emily needs to get all growed up.

To make things a little easier, because it's not so easy to leave a job you actually enjoy, I made a pro/con list and I'll give you a little taste of it.
PROS

Benefits...at the present moment, I receive NO benefits and pay my own health insurance which is a very large bill because I am very large myself.
Commute...this job is considerably closer to my home
Opportunity...This is America after all, land of opportunity! I'm basically in a dead end job now, viva la opportunity!
Salary...It's a hike up from what I make now, but not by much.

CONS

The People...The people at the new job are, to put it kindly, the most boring, old, unfunny, skinny people in the world. My job now is full of characters! Joy!
Taxes...Right now I get paid "under the table", which is nice!
Fatties...There are basically no fat people there. I swear! I looked. I found NOTHING!
Food...I'll miss my lunches here. Everyday a different place to eat, ah, how I love it. They have a cafeteria, but that's not the same...or is it???

I forgot to mention one thing...My friend Laura...skinny ass Laura...works at this place. So, I emailed her and asked what exactly they serve at this cafeteria. So, she emailed me a 5 day menu that the institution puts out on their website. I, of course, then forwarded that email to Lindsey. This is how the conversation went, via email.

Me: What did you think of the Menu?

Lindsey: It looks good.

Me: I know, I'm totally going to take the job now.

Lindsey: Because of the menu?

Me: Yeah! Cream of Asparagus Soup on Mondays! Cheeseburgers everyday!

Lindsey: You're fat.

Well, thanks Lindsey! I just needed something to push me over the line and help me make a decision. So, that push just happened to be about Cream of Asparagus Soup, so what? Right?

Let's Give It Up For Lindsey!

2006-05-22T10:01:00.000-07:00

Today, our very own Lindsey is graduating from Grad School. I wanted to give her a big shout out for a job well done. Think of all the things Lindsey can do for us! I vote that we send her to Washington DC and fight for fatty reform across the country. But, that's just me.

Anyway, Congrats Lindsey! I'm very proud of you! Sorry you have to wear that gown that makes fat girls look like walking camping tents!

Someone Tell Me I'm Not Horrible...Please

2006-05-19T15:29:00.000-07:00

About 90% of the time, I use the handicapped stall. I would never, ever, in a million years do this in front of an actual handicapped person, but, I'm always afraid that a handicapped person is going to come in while I'm in there and have to wait. I do this mostly at work because, well, that's the only public restroom I'm usually in. There are two stalls. One is a normal stall and one is a handicapped stall. And, I swear that even if I was 110 lbs, the non-handicapped stall...is small.

I use the handicap stall whenever I can because they're bigger and, therefore, it allows me to maneuver better. I admit it. But, I feel badly. I'm in no way (knock on wood) handicapped. I'm just fat. So, it's wrong right? It's wrong that I use the handicap stall to do my business in because it's bigger and therefore I'm more comfortable? Right? What's the verdict here?

Must...Eat...Last...Piece...

2006-05-16T14:26:00.000-07:00

I think I'm finally getting this whole, "I'm eating too much" thing and I've decided to focus my blame, not on me of course, but on America! Yes, although 100% of what I do to my own body is my own fault, I like to shift the blame from time to time and this time America gets the brunt of my anger.

The portions are OUT OF CONTROL. And, because I'm not one to back down out of a challenge, if a 10 pound plate of food is placed in front of me, my lord I will do anything to cross that finish line. I must finish what I eat, no matter what. This, sadly, often leaves me feeling ill...but sort of in that good, "I just gorged myself with deliciousness and love" kind of way.

I bet if I only ate half of what was presented on my plate, I'd lose at least some weight. Wasn't there a commercial that stated this? What is it about me that makes me think I must finish what's on my plate. Why am I a member of the clean plate-ers club? I know I'm not breaking any new ground, but I wish I could get my focus on and restrict myself. But, if I could restrict myself, I wouldn't be such a fat ass in the first place...ah, such is life.

Meet My Fat New Best Friend

2006-05-09T12:50:00.000-07:00

I went to a wedding last weekend for a cousin that I don't ever see and who might weigh 98lbs. The wedding was nice, but, what I realized and saw was much better than any chocolate covered strawberries they were serving. (Tangent: Have you experienced the wonders of a chocolate fountain? I'm having one installed in my home ASAP). My cousin, all 98lbs of her, had a lot of fat friends. And, her fat friends had even fatter friends. And therefore, I'm giving up on dieting and, in turn, getting new, better, fatter friends.

Lindsey and I weigh the same, give or take 5lbs. So, when we're together, we're basically just two fat girls walking around. This is why I shipped her to New York. But, if I had a bigger, much fatter friend than me, I'd look awesome. Skinnykins almost. Sign me up!

Anyway, more about the wedding. It's safe to say that even the fat girls had fat friends...it was like fat girls in descending order. Each fat girl had a fatter girl to accompany her.

At one point, a girl who I would estimate to be around 210lbs started dancing. She was sort of shy about her dancing...until her bigger (I'd say around 315lbs) started dancing with her. Then, and I could tell because only another fatty can, that her self esteem was boosted because she knew she looked better dancing than the fatter friend that had started dancing right next to her.

This idea is pure genius. Therefore, I'm putting it out there that I'm on the hunt for a new, improved, fatter Lindsey.

And, to Lindsey: I'm sure you understand why I'm doing this. Maybe you could get a fatter friend and then, maybe I could see you again because we'd look skinny together compared to our newer, fatter best friends. Love ya!

Harder HARDer!!! yes yes YES! RIGHT THERE!!!!!!!!

2006-05-05T07:25:00.000-07:00

I am in finals right now, and I am majorly stressed out! I can feel the stress in my entire body, but I think most of it has accumulated in the upper right portion of my back. I keep doing that thing where you try to contort your body so your back cracks and suddenly you get a moment of pleasure when everything pops into place, but it's just not happening...I NEED a massage.

I used to live with this one particularly hilarious/crazy/lovable Russian Girl who constantly offered to give me massages, so of course, I let her. She would do this thing where she would stick her elbow in the knots in my back and the pain and pleasure were exquisite! It was like a schadenfreude back orgasm. But I haven't live with her in quite a while and I haven't had a back massage since then.

Yesterday during my 4 hour final I kept wanting to get up and ram something hard into the spot on my back that is bothering me, but that would have been insane. Today I decided I needed to get a massage, but I can't bring myself to so it. Why? No, it's not the money. NY's Chinatown is very accessible to me, and they offer cheap massages (not all of them with "happy endings!"), but I cannot bear the thought of taking my clothes off in front of someone right now. Especially in Chinatown, all of the masseurs are tiny Chinese women who have no problem talking shit about huge American who expect to get massages. Why do I care what they think? Why do I expect one of then to call me fat to my face?

A few months ago Nicole Kidman was on Oprah and she told Oprah that she had been a massage therapist in Australia. Oprah then asked her if big fat people ever came to her for massages, and what Nicole thought about that. Nicole said that, yes, big fat people did come to her for massages, and yes, she did in fact (only sometimes) think nasty thoughts about them as she gave them their massage.

Now, of course, Nicole Kidman isn't going to be the one massaging me, but I can't help but think that whoever does is going to be intimidated and disgusted by the size of my back. Lately I feel like I have gotten so fat that it is getting in the way of things I want to do in my everyday life. I am so stressed out!

On a side note and slightly related topic, here is what a professional, the student adviser from Massage magazine said about actual masseurs who are obese,

"Now, about obesity. If there is one deal-breaker in massage school, I’d have to say it’s obesity. I’ve done my best to work with obese students, and it rarely works out. Why? Because, as I’ve said, massage therapy is an athletic profession. If you come to it slightly out of shape, well, we can work with you and get you ready. But if you come to the profession out of shape and obese, it’s going to be tough on you.

For one thing, with the high ethical standards we have regarding steering clear of inappropriate client body contact, it is very difficult for an obese massage therapist not to lay part of her body on the client while working. Usually, with obese students, I have to constantly remind them that their bosom or belly is touching the client. It is embarrassing for the student, the instructor, the client, and fellow students.

Body mechanics can only do so much when oversized bosoms, bellies and arms make inappropriate contact with the body on the table.

If you are obese and seriously thinking of becoming a massage therapist, I will tell you the program will be tough for you, if not impossible. Before you start the program, why not use it as your incentive to get down to a healthier body weight? Then you can dive right in with strength and confidence."

Wow. I guess the moral for today is to try not to let your belly or boobs touch someone inappropriately today!

Desperate times call for...

2006-05-02T12:28:00.000-07:00

I have been aware that there are BBW nights at certain clubs for a while. There is Club Bounce and Club XL and a few others, but I am sort of offended by the names! Club XL makes me want to cry! Even though I think they are a good idea, the whole concept still creeps me out really really badly. But I am still rather intrigued about what it would be like to be in a room full of men who are actually into my rolls...almost intrigued enough to actually go to one of these events (but not quite)!

I imagine a dark room filled to the brim with fat women dressed in as little as possible while toothless men masturbate in the corner. I know it won't be that bad...right??? Why do I think they will be toothless? I have no idea...but please don't get all offended in the comments section because it's just my imagination!

Have any of you ever been to any of these events? Are the men totally fatishistic?

I hate that I have to go to special meeting places in order to meet men! I feel like a leper! What I really want is to meet a man who likes me for who I am, and not because I am fat!!! Is that too much to ask?

Aren't there any cute fat loving Jewish men under 35 who read this blog?

I realize I sound desperate and complainy today, but my birthday is around the corner and I am feeling the pressure...

The High Cost of Being Fat

2006-04-26T10:04:00.000-07:00

They say the diet business is a gajilllion dollar industry, but they never mention that the eating industry probably makes a lot more money.

I don't know how much I spend on food a week, but come next Monday, (everything I start has to start on Monday), I will be recording how much I spend on food down to the $1.50 I spend on diet coke from a random vending machine. I've always known I spend more than the average bear on food. I don't really cook and everything I buy is take-out. Thus, the only house I will ever be able to afford is one made of gingerbread...and then I'll eat it.

My work environment doesn't help my situation. We order in lunch every single day. And, when you work for men who make hundreds of thousands of dollars each year, it's literally hard keeping up with the Jones', especially with the choices of restaurants that deliver to our office suite. Our choices include, but are not limited to: Cheesecake Factory, PF Chang's, Sisely, El Torito, Macaroni Grill and so on. Thus, each meal averages to be around 10 dollars plus tax and tip, which is basically $13-15 a meal. Not a lot to people who can afford it, but a mass amount to a struggling student like me. Let's do the math:

$13 x 5 = $65 for the week, excluding dinner.

Geez, that's a whole lot of money. That's basically $260 a month. I don't pay that much for my car. AND I'M NOT INCLUDING DINNER!

Yesterday, I went on a little something therapists and fat people like to call, a binge. It wasn't pretty and it wasn't right, but it sure tasted good. It basically came down to the fact that I was preparing myself for a diet and when I do so, I order basically what could be considered, The Last Supper. But, yesterday, I couldn't make a decision, so, I ordered both things, from two different restaurants...not one of my proudest moments. And, my dinner came to be almost a total of $40. FOR ONE MEAL. Well, two meals, but crammed into one.

Easily assumed, I think I spend around $150 dollars a week on food. That's basically a quarter of what I make a week. NOT COOL.

This doesn't even include the caloric intake I expose myself to because my meals are not made at home and therefore, cannot be counted. I've gone online and investigated some nutritional facts from several websites, but most don't offer them, (Yes Cheesecake, I'm talking about you).

Basically, I'm spending mass amounts of money and consuming mass amounts of calories eating out. There's an obvious solution to this problem, buy food at the market, prepare it myself and take lunch to work. But, let's be honest here, I'm not the type of person to do that...that would take a "life-style change" and, I'm just not ready for something like that.

So, I'm figuring, maybe I need to be shocked into saving money. I could see what I'm missing out on by being such a fat ass. In the time I could have consumed 50 meals, which doesn't take me that long, I could have afforded to lose some weight and buy myself this Gucci purse I've had my eye on.

Now, that's some motivation.

Someone Needs A New Marketing Director

2006-04-20T10:59:00.000-07:00

I love catalogues and magazines, but, because I'm creepy I like to play a little game called: Who Sold My Name????

When I sign up for something, like a magazine or a survey...anything, I always correlate my middle initial with what the magazine's name is.

Example:

If I sign up for Cosmopolitan, I'll put that my name is Emily C. Smith (My middle name doesn't start with C and by the way, my last name isn't Smith). But, if, lets say I get a catalogue addressed to Emily C. Smith, I know that Cosmopolitan Magazine has sold my name. Like I said, I'm a little creepy.

So, when I received a catalogue called Body Central, and saw that it was addressed to Emily L. Smith, I knew that it had come from my many orderings of clothes from Lane Bryant.

"A new fat girl catalogue?" I thought to myself "Awesome."

But, to my shock and to the shock of fat girls around the country that received this catalogue at the same time, it was for skinny girls. Wait, I should clarify, it was for really skinny girls. This catalogue didn't even go into XL, like many skinny catalogues do.

I'm sure there is a simple explanation for this, like the LB happens to be owned by the same company or something, but I just want to know who the genius was who wasted postage and paper to send someone who obviously shops at Lane Bryant a skinny girl catalogue?

Gonna Get That Feeling!!!

2006-04-16T20:06:00.000-07:00

Emily and I recently recently embarked on one of our more hilarious "diet" fiasco's in recent memory. But first, a little background information about a small bit of our "diet" history...

Normally, we keep away from the fad diets. We have been around long enough to know that they don't work, and if they do work it's either psychosomatic or it leads to some sort of heart issues (*sigh* I miss you phen-fen, you made 11th grade speedy), or you just end up gaining the weight back. The last fad I tried was when Anna Nicole went all extra creepy and showed up on literaly every subway poster in New York proclaiming that she lost all of her reality show weight by taking TrimSpa.

Yeah, I got suckered into the hype and shelled out like $60 bucks or something about 3 years ago and attempted to take TrimSpa. But the problem is that I can never seem to take pills with any regularity. So I ended up taking Trimspa for about a day and a half before giving up, and forgetting about it. About a year later I remembered that I had a full bottle of expensive TrimSpa somewhere in my room and decided I should give it another shot. I tore my room apart looking for the bottle. I looked everywhere to no avail, and then I promptly forgot about it again. Forgot about it until I was my old flatmates room a few months later and saw my TrimSpa in his open boxer/sock drawer! I was so confused (and still am), how did it get there? Did he steal my TrimSpa? Did he take it? But it's not like it's something I can ask him, but I really do wonder.

Anyway, that was a few years ago, and was my last fore into the fad diet industry. Other then that when Emily and I are really trying to lose weight we do WeightWatchers which I know for a fact really works if you follow the program, and I don't consider a fad (but that's another post). Anyway, a few weeks ago Emily started yapping in my ear about Hoodia and how she's heard great things about it and how we should try it. I made fun of her for a few days, but then something clicked in my head, and suddenly we were on the path to Hoodia. I actually think it's the word HOODIA which pulled me in. It just rolls off the tougne and sounds silly, and I like saying it. Hoodia. So, I did some internet research and found (as far as I can tell) a reputable dealer, and told Emily that we should buy some. I knew it would be a waste of money, but hey, sometimes fads are fun.

We settled on Desert Burn as our dealer, a website worth checking out if just for the comedy. First, you are greeted with an 80'sish theme song which Emily thinks says "Let's Get Skinny!", but I think says "Gonna get that feeling!". We agree to disagree and occasionally sing it to each other. Then, if you scroll down to the bottom of the page, there is a skinny "African tribesman" looking fellow in a loincloth holding some sort of instrument in one hand and a bottle of Desert Burn in the other hand. The tribesman cemented it...a week later we each had a $70 bottle of authentic Hoodia delivered to our respective homes. (Emily was really sad when the tribesman wasn't the one who delivered it...)

Let me tell you, we were excited! The next morning we each took 2 Hoodia and called each other to check on the effects: Nothing. Nothing bad (jitters, nausea, etc) and nothing good(not feeling hungry). I took my Hoodia twice a day for 3 days. Emily took hers twice a day for 6 days. And then we sort of stopped. It was TrimSpa all over again! I have serious commitment issues to pills! But not only that, I felt really ravenously hungry while taking the Hoodia on days two and three. There was like a serious compulsion to eat which I am not accustomed to. I told Emily, and she said that she was going through the same thing?!?! So, obviously, we stopped taking it.

But if in the next few months I begin to feel badly about wasting money again and decide to give Hoodia another shot, and I can't find it anywhere ... I am going straight to my old flatmate and confronting him because someday I need to find out how my TrimSpa got into his drawer!

The Marble and The Watermelon

2006-04-11T11:31:00.000-07:00

If there is one thing I hate, it's having my picture taken. I'm not, what the model's would call, "photogenic". It's been plaguing me my whole life. Even when I was at my thinnest, (6 years old was an awesome time for me), I still didn't photograph well.

And now it's even worse, because every time I take a picture it appears as if a marble, (my head), is resting nicely atop a watermelon, (my body). Stick a carrot in where my nose should be and you could call me Frosty because I do a lovely impression of a snowman. And, of course, every time I take a picture, I have to have that moment of initial shock where I ask, "Am I really that big? Because I don't feel I'm that big". Guess what? I am.

I think the picture above perfectly replicates every single picture I have taken from 1986 to the present. Usually I'm clothed, but you get the drift. And, to be fair, I only squeeze my pannus in private. And I only look nauseatingly full half of the time.

Usually, in group photos, you will find me in the back looking like a floating head. The back of a group picture is prime location for fat people. It's an ideal spot because you can still be in the picture and camouflage the rest of your body with other people's bodies. To put it mildly, I will go out of my way to void my body out of any picture ever taken of me. And sadly, this is why there are really no pictures of me in recent times.

While over at my brother and sister-in-law's house one day I made a comment about how, all over their house, there are pictures of her and her sisters and no pictures of me. I was joking around of course and this led to them taking a horrible picture of me and my brother and placing it in prime location for people to see how fat I am. Skinny people will put up the worst pictures of you because they don't see the difference between a good fat picture and a bad fat picture. To them, you're just fat. In the right light and in the right black clothing, one can almost look skinny fat...that's a good picture.

So, until I can afford to have every picture of me ever taken and photo-shop it so my head is proportional to my body, I will forever be, the marble and the watermelon.

A New High For Not Being Low

2006-04-10T16:47:00.000-07:00

I've been on and off jdate for years. It's sort of like craigslist, but a bit nicer because the guys actually pay for it. I know, pretty effin classy. I'm not a member, but sometimes, on occasion, I'm contacted by a Jewish boy who claims to be nice and claims to think, from what he's read, that we'd get along and that I'm pretty funny. Then they ask what Rubenesque, the body type I have chosen to reflect my personal weight, means and for some reason, I sit there and try to defend myself. So, the following is, verbatim, what was emailed from one of these men, to me.

Him: What does rubenesque mean in your book?

Me: Rubenesque in my book? I'm not thin by any means, but I'm also not grotesquely large... I have a belly and I have thighs and all that jazz...I hate the term BBW though. Do you like girls with curves?

Him: Thanks for your honest depiction of your body. Honestly, I start with the face and the eyes. Sure, I would like to be dating a model and would prefer girls who are in shape, but nobody's perfect. I guess there is "a tolerable range". I don't have it committed toa #, b/c I have no concept about women's weights. I know when I see. I don't mean to sound superficial, but every relationship is built on some type ofinitial attraction. Of course I like curves.

I'm still unsure as how to respond. Why, in all that is sane, would a boy who sees a girl that obviously isn't thin, and then write to her, if he's looking for a thin, "modelesque", girl? I think my favorite part of what he wrote was that nobody was perfect. "I like super models, but nobody is perfect". Well, obviously supermodels are perfect to him, which, by the way, is hilarious to me. I also don't know what ofinitial means...seems as though we don't have a real winner in the spelling department. But, above that models are perfect, he then goes on to state, that of course he likes curves.

A little memo to men out there...there is a difference between girls that have curves and girls that have curves. All girls have curves...we all have hips because of that little thing called child birthing, and yes, some hips are wider than others, but I hate when a guy says he loves curves and means that he loves when a girls hips jaunt out. Maybe, next time, a guy can just specify if he likes hips or he likes multiple curves in multiple areas....because that's what I seem to be packing.

Can you blow me where the Pampers is???

2006-04-08T15:16:00.000-07:00

This probably isn't the right forum for this sadly pathetic plea, but Jeremy Piven, if you have even a passing interest in fat Jewish chicks, we should get married (I mean hang out). No, I mean married. But for you Jeremy, I'll break my own rule and have sex with ya just because I want to. Have you ever had sex with a fat girl? No? You are totally missing out! I'll gladly show you the wonders of fat sex. And I bet you are sort of freaky in the sack, and honestly, I could really be into that right about now because I am bleeding and horny and writing to you on my little blog which you will never read. Sad.

I am watching The Travel Channel's Jeremy Piven's Journey of a Lifetime, and I have fallen in love with him all over again. I mean, he is always the highlight of any movie or tv show he is in, but watching him sort of stumble through the streets of Bombay has given me a greater appreciation for the wonder that is J.Piv.

Sorry folks, just had to get that out...the next posting will be about what a fat ass I am. Promise.